I’m conscious that the lists I mentioned in my earlier post must seem rather small to a ‘normal person’ (it’s okay, I’m the one with mental health issues – I’m allowed to indulge in a little bleak humour if I feel like it) and to be honest, they’d probably seem quite small to me if I were feeling a little better. But I’m not feeling a little better quite yet and they’re about as big as I can get. For now.
Depression brings with it all kinds of negative thinking – paralysing feelings of hopelessness, an overall sense of dread and rather distressing thoughts of self harm to name a few – but none are more damaging that the guilt and shame that you somehow end up heaping upon yourself during a low period. The smallest of ‘failures’ is turned into a major catastrophe in the blink of an eye and the guilt and shame that you feel in light of this self imposed fail mark is enough to render you utterly defeated and send you yet deeper into the mire.
With this in mind, it important that, as I try to reach in a pull myself out of my pit, I don’t set myself unrealistic targets. What I’m actually trying to do is build achievements little by little without the prospect of guilt looming large and challenging my progress. So yes, the things on my lists (from here on in to be known as the ‘small things’ lists) seem fairly insignificant in the main scheme of things but I refer you to the wise words of Vincent Van Gogh:
‘Great things are done by a series of small things brought together’
So my take on it all is…. what he said.
Is seems like a good time to review my progress with the small things lists. It’s not looking too bad really (note the things I’d like to do are a little longer term so nothing to report just yet):
Three things I need to do:
- Visit my friend and her new baby: In the diary.
- Get a haircut: Well no, not yet. But then I haven’t decided what I want to do with it yet.
- Make a new Spotify playlist: Most definitely in progress. It’s going to be a masterpiece so may take a while to complete.
Three things I like doing:
- Walking in pretty places: Did you see the weather this weekend?!
- Wii Fit: Check. Three sessions under my belt.
- Reading: Finally got around to starting José Saramango’s Death at intervals.
I think that’s looking pretty good, no? Go me!