What if?

My granny used to have a saying that went something like this: ‘if it’s for you, it won’t go past you’. It’s one of those things you seem to have say to people when they have a broken heart, as if words can really take that away and make it all better. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that….

I have a broken heart. My broken heart is a big part of my broken brain. When people say it’s all in my head, I can at least challenge them, because some of it is in my heart, rather than in my head.

I’m told I care too much. Does anybody know what that means? Is it even possible? I tend to look at things in opposites – so I care too much and the opposite is not caring enough. In light of that I don’t accept that I’m doing it wrong. I know where I want to be.

The what if is what if you had what was for you, and it went past you because you were mental?

What if you left behind who you were and the things you could be just because the person who made you all those things couldn’t live with the mental?

What if your brain went wrong and what was for you did go past you? What then?

A confused and unhappy WeeGee xx

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32 comments

  1. What if… you just stopped asking what if and stopped using the meant to be thoughts?

    I know what it means to care too much. I even care for people that hurt me and some times, the way I care can get me very sad. I was told to stop caring and be more selective. I said I can’t, because if I do that, I won’t be me anymore.

    Truth is, everyone is mental, one way or another. We’re just the ones that got ” tagged ” and take medication. But you know what? At least we know what goes on with us , even when we don’t really.
    We know who we are, we ask ourselves questions that they don’t even dare to.

    Regarding the losses mentioned in your post:
    – leaving yourself behind is an ongoing process meaning that we leave a part of ourselves behind everyday as we change and respond to situations. you don’t leave yourself behind, you evolve. Whether you perceive it in a good way or not. But that’s who you are.
    -you’re not interested in the plenty fish – you’re interested in that particular one, maybe from the lake, and if that fish can’t be with you because you’re mental, then that fish doesn’t mean it’s not interested or has something against your state – just that maybe at the given time that person can’t deal with it. And then you respect that, you try to understand. You keep that person in your heart and carry it wherever you go from that moment on. People are used to dealing only with similar situations, not stepping out their comfort zones, and understanding that is a part of caring and loving. Accept them just as you would like to be accepted, and view yourselves as equals.
    And from personal experience, the person that cares for you and loves you, does not leave your side because you’re mental.

    Personally, I don’t like the meant to be’s. It’s too much trouble. Too much energy wasted on it. It makes you feel so bad and then you’re scared all the time and don’t engage in anything , just because you’ll be constantly wondering. And when you lose your time thinking of the meant to be and what if on one thing, that’s when you lose sight of what ‘s in front of you. Because you’ve been looking all around.
    So just do what you feel like doing, say the things you feel like saying, love unconditionally and have fun with yourself – because only you can make you happy. (if you want I may elaborate on that).

    As they say.. ” follow your heart ” . And you won’t regret it nor wonder nor be unhappy.

    1. What you said made so much sense and I totally agree. Sometimes you know what you need to know but you just need someone else to say it so thank you.

      xx

  2. In reality, the more you remain true to who you are
    (no matter how much of a whackjob your emotions make you feel like you are); the more you embrace the depths of your feelings, good or bad, “normal” or not, right or wrong; the more you allow yourself to BE, then the greater your success will be, in every area of your life. We are kindred spirits. I connect to your experience and I’m glad you shared it. And I encourage you to bust the ceiling off the norm. Raise the roof, and then light it on fire. Because the wisest old souls I’ve ever known were those who accepted the possibility of heartache and pushed forward courageously, taking the risk. And when their quickly beating hearts were broken, they kept going in boldness. No matter how deep the pain can get, the reward is knowing that you didn’t waste this precious life resisting your own identity. The hardest mountains to climb have the most beautiful views.

    “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” –e.e.cummings

        1. No need to worry! I’ve been a busy bee is all! I may post later, but I’ve a lot of reading to do….

          BTW – your posts aren’t showing up in my reader for some reason so I’m going to unfollow and follow again. Just in case you wonder what I’m up to 🙂

  3. Hello dear WeeGee. Hope the pain and confusion have subsided just the wee-est bit.

    It sounds like you are still mourning the loss of this person. When we lose someone, whether it be through a death or a break up, it is often accompanied by “what ifs.” What if I had acted differently, would they still be gone? What if I were different (ie better), would they still have left? I think these sorts of questions come because we are trying to make sense of something that makes absolutely no sense. We want to have concrete answers to things that have no clear reason or explanation. We want to know the exact reason behind our heartbreak, and if there was anything we could have changed or done differently in order for the outcome to be different.

    I am sorry you are hurting from this loss. Losses do hurt tremendously. Even after time has passed. I don’t have the answers for how to help you feel better. I wish I did. But I want you to know that I know exactly how you are feeling. I once had my heart broken too, in the most painful way. It took me a good two years to start getting over it, and even then there was sadness and pain.

    I think the right person for you will accept you for you, “mental” and all. For you to say, “would he have stayed if I wasn’t mental” would be like saying, “would he have stayed if I didn’t have a an arm.” Our mental and emotional worlds are an integral part of us. You may think of yourself being “mental” as a bad thing that pushes other people away; others – myself included – see it as something that makes you unique and gives you character. It’s one of the things I love about you. Non-mental people are boring in my opinion! My partner loves all of me – including my crazy, mental-ness. I’m not saying its easy for her all the time, but as she puts it, “The good outweighs the bad. The ‘bad’ doesn’t even come close!”) That’s when you know when it’s “meant to be” – when someone loves you, and all of you, no matter what. Mental and all.

    **Hugs** and hoping you feel better soon.
    Brandic

    1. I know that you are 100% right and that what I am dealing with is, in some parts a bereavement. I think the being mental bit just makes it that little bit harder for me to deal with.

      And I totally agree that I normal people are a lttle bit boring. I mean, where’s the fun in knowing how you’re going to feel from one day to the next eh?

      Thanks for the hug and I’m feeling quite a lot better now 🙂

          1. Glad to hear it. When I read what you said, it reminded me of those big blow-up doll thingies that have a weight in the bottom. No matter how much you knock them down, they’ll pop right back up! 🙂

            Always here if you want an ear to talk to. Or perhaps even two.

  4. I think I know what “care too much” means. I care too much for certain people. I care too much about what people think of me.
    If something has gone past you that is for you, it will be back. Whether that is through you grabbing it back, or it just coming on back through naturally. I believe that.
    Bad timing perhaps but if you would like to answer the questions on my recent tagging game I’d love to read your answers.
    Thinking of you, sorry you are in pain xx

    1. I’m jusy not convinced there are degrees of caring – its like love: you either do or you don’t, but I know that might be my wonky brain…. I agree with you about the coming back if it was really meant for you. Maybe I’m just scared that the thing I wanted to be won’t be. Then again, maybe the thing that is for me will come along in its place and I’ll forget I was ever frightened!

      I’ll definitely get to your questions. I do love answering them 🙂

      1. ❤ good to hear from you again — thats reminded me to get those details of the meet up's! told you I'd forget! x

  5. What if, though, you were meant to be mental all along, and the things that were meant for you were meant for you and that means you with being mental?
    I care “too much” too. I’m “too nice” apparently, my argument is, well everyone else is just either playing a game, or just not nice. I want to be me, and me is nice.
    I doubt there is a “the one” though, because if that was the case then there would certainly be less humans on this planet, or they might not exist at all.
    Plenty more fish in the sea is right, problem is, you have to find the fish in amongst the sharks. If you were actually swimming amongst the sharks looking for fish, you’d expect to get bitten or hurt. I doubt the fish when you eventually grab one, would care if you had scars.

  6. Yeah you confused me too, but in a way that made sense but then still left me confused because there doesn’t seem to be an answer. I hate what ifs. And I hate caring too much :S
    Hugs xox

    1. There isn’t an answer, and I don’t know what to do. Sleep on it I suppose! If only every one were mental, eh? Then I’d know what to do 🙂

  7. I love the saying “If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.”
    Nothing has happened because you are mental.
    Ever heard the famous quote by Marilyn Monroe? “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

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