Hold on

When you’re mental, holding on is something that you get quite good at doing. You ‘hang on in there’, you ‘cling on’, you ‘keep on going’. After a while, you get quite good at all that holding on to stuff.

I’m good at holding on. I’ve been mental enough to not want to be alive for more than half of my life and I’m still here. How’s that for holding on?

Today though, I’m thinking of the things I let go of so that I could keep on holding on. The people I loved, the things I cared about, everything I wanted to be – so many things that I had to let go of just so I could hold on to something. I don’t even know what the something I’ve been holding onto is.

We’re all holding on, aren’t we? I feel like I’m holding on to nothing much. What are you holding on to?

I think I’d rather have held on to the things I let go than whatever it is I’m holding on to now. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

This is a short post. It’s about holding on and that’s what we all do. I’m just not sure what I’m holding onto anymore. Boo hoo:

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17 comments

  1. Really, what are we holding onto? The promise of a better tomorrow? The few fleeting moments when happiness bubbles up inside of us? I think all of us ‘hold on’ to some idea that it can, and often does, get better. Some call it hope, some call it faith; whatever “it” is, it keeps us putting one foot in front of the other. I, for one, am glad you keep doing that. Your writing is refreshing and honest; it helps me (and many,many others, I am sure) keep “holding on”. So thank you, WeeGee. And lets keep holding on together, shall we?
    Hugs, Rainey

  2. Ps WeeGee – 4th August is the next meet. Don’t know about you but I wont be recovered enough from this latest emetophobia attack to get to that one. What are you thinking? X

  3. I guess I’m holding onto the moment that comes after the next one. I have daughters that are young adults and my husband has been dead for a year, so I can’t check out on them now even though I just came pretty close to it. Maybe I want to see what I can become too, Like a ROCK STAR!!! I’m still waiting for that one…hahaha.

  4. I wonder though, if you had the things you wish you held on to, you would have to have let go of the other things. Then would you still wish it was the other way around? Is it just that we are “the grass is always greener” type of people?
    I learnt a lot in therapy today. I learn that I live too much in the past and the future and not in the now, so when I get to the future I’m still stuck in the past because its crap and worrying that the future will be the same. Maybe just “feel” one day at a time. No regrets. If the now feels bad, it won’t always feel bad, because when did it ever? When the bad’s gone and it feels good, feel the now and don’t worry about what happens next.
    I’m going to bed now. Philosophy at 22.26 when you’ve been up since 6am is probably not the best mix.
    Hugs WeeGee xoxox

  5. Somewhere deep inside of me, way deep, there is this feisty little spark that refuses to let this/them beat me again. I hold on to that spark, maybe that spark is hope I don’t know. I’ll share my feisty spark with you until you find yours..hang on tight..we can do this. xx

  6. Ummm… I guess I hold onto um… sure, hope. As long as I can hold onto hope I can hold onto life. Those people who say they have lost hope – I don’t know how they are still alive. I constantly hold onto hope that one day things will be ‘better’ – whatever ‘better’ is. One day I will have what I want most in life – a family. That cliche saying: this won’t last forever. I hold onto that. xxx

  7. Oh WeeGee, this post makes me so sad. I’m not even sure why. Perhaps because I hate to think of you having so much loss in your life, and wishing you had been able to hold onto things you let go of. Or perhaps because I can really relate to this post, since I’ve had to let go of so much. Or perhaps both.

    Even though I’ve had to let go of so much in the past, I suppose I hold onto the hope that there is the possibility of healing and of happiness in my future. I think if anything, that’s what I’ve held onto. Hope of some sort. That’s why I’m still here and haven’t given up completely when life was at its darkest.

    Glad you’re still hanging on sweet WeeGee. I, for one, am quite glad of it. 🙂

    1. It made me sad when I read it back too – I guess I was just a bit sad yesterday. Thanks so much for your lovely comment. It made me smile 🙂

      xx

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