Olympian

Don’t worry – this isn’t another one of my gushing posts about the Olympic Games. It’s a post about this song:

Or at least it’s a post about a couple of lines in this song:

“I wanted to be there with you / For I can only be normal with you / I’ve given my all for you”

Twice in my life I’ve managed to find another human being that I wanted to be with. Twice in my life I’ve managed to find another human being that made me feel ‘normal’. Twice in my life I’ve managed to lose the most special person on earth.

My conclusion to all this is that I must not be supposed to be with anybody and that certainly I’m not capable of being normal by myself. I don’t cut the mustard when it comes to all that belonging and normal stuff. You get what’s coming your way. What’s for you doesn’t go past you. If you get nothing and it all goes past you – that’s what was yours.

Everything I do is with reference to other people. That’s just the way my brain works and all the counselling and therapy in the world isn’t going to change that.

I am who I am.

I’m lost. I’m lonely. I’m mental. I’m not normal. This is what is mine. I wish I could make something matter, I really do.

Boo hoo. Woe is me. I hate myself and I want a pie.

Lots of mixed up miserable love (once more) from WeeGee xx

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25 comments

  1. …. My dad always says they ‘broke the mould’ when they made me but I reckon he’s wrong 😀

    Woah, woah, woah. Poor us. But we’ll be okay I reckon, in the end xx

  2. Once again we swapped brains and lives. I’ve been single for three years (after my whole two failed relationships) and despite many people saying “I can’t understand why you are still single, you could have any man you wanted!”. It’s because I don’t get relationships and I just don’t get most other people. That’s what happens when you are an alien. Me and relationships don’t work. But on the other side I don’t really want to be alone either.
    Oh woa is me too WeeGee xoxoxo

  3. I’ve met the singer from Gene, well, kind of, backstage at a gig at Shepherds Bush Empire, actually I only passed him on the stairs. Sorry for such a riveting not really meeting someone tale 🙂

    1. I enjoyed your not really meeting someone story. If it was my story I’d tell everybody. I had a huge teenaged crush on Martin Rossiter for at least a week 😀

      1. That’s his name, it was on the tip of my tongue.

        I was lucky my friend catered for bands on tour so I got backstage at a few gigs, my highlight was being at PJ Harvey’s gig, a huge idol of mine, and being so drunk I never noticed it was her I threw out of the way as she was standing in the doorway as I ran to the toilet to be sick.

  4. I’m sorry you’re struggling so much right now. Especially with loneliness – that can be the worst.

    Imo, “normal” doesn’t actually exist, it’s just a social construct we all (or some us anyways) strive for. But in actuality none of us really are. I think the ones of us who realize that we aren’t “normal” are actually better of, because then we aren’t living by anyone else’s standards but our own. I see you as smart, lovely, unique, witty, and loving. You have many amazing qualities, and I hope you can see at least some of that in yourself.

    Thinking of you lovely. Chin up, remember? 😉

  5. yea, what is normal? BORING..
    Lots of mixed up miserable love is so much better than lots of manical FIXED hate.. so carry on best as you can. Keep writing and I’ll keep posting pathetic but caring comments
    but pass some pie next time
    Unfettered

  6. it’s the brain that’s talking, the irrational part of it….mine was doing all of that until I went on these meds and now that’s settled down quite a bit. I only get the voices somewhat but not like before….I would be exactly the same as you without the meds because I was before I went on them. I was a cutter, and would go crazy all the time but I could still work just drove everyone crazy along with me. Now I think I don’t want to be with someone because I actually like my lifestyle and a man would ruin it but I’d enjoy a friendship. So, why don’t you go out and just see if there’s a friend waiting in the process and start there? It’s less pressure.
    Dot

    1. That sounds like a perfectly good plan. But I’m a bit like you in a way – I’m going to sort myself out eventually and when I do I’m not sure I want a man coming along and messing it all up.. xx

  7. I would bring you a pie and sit down and have a cup of coffee, tea. beer, or whatever you drink, with you! And I so understand being lonely…even though I am not alone. WeeGee my daughter has the same fear, of being alone, of being too mental to find someone; I tell her: Just be yourself, GO places where you can meet someone (she works in a school and never sees eligible men there), and be patient. Stop trying so hard and worrying about it…try to focus on enjoying yourself and being the best “you”…and it will happen if it is meant to be.
    Hugs, Rainey

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