There is a fly buzzing around my flat at the moment. It’s driving me and my cat NUTS*. It’s driving Gryff nuts because a) he can’t catch the little bugger despite his best efforts and b) it’s far too hot for his best fly catching efforts today. It’s driving me nuts because a) it is a fly. Buzzing. In my flat and b) it keeps making me think of that Emily Dickenson Poem ‘I heard a fly buzz when I died’ which in turn is making me think ‘what if I am actually dead but don’t realise it’?
It’s a hotbed of mentalness round here today…..
I thought I was dead once. I stepped out in front of a double decker bus** and it hit me. People say that when they have those kind of near death experiences that ‘their entire life flashes before their eyes’. For my part, the only thing that flashed before my eyes was A DOUBLE DECKER BUS, and the only thought I had was ‘Shit – I’m about to be HIT BY A DOUBLE DECKER BUS’
Anyway, there was this tiny second where I knew I’d been hit by a bus but didn’t know if I was alive or dead. It was the strangest sensation – like not being. It wasn’t a nice sensation but it wasn’t altogether unpleasant either… It didn’t last long because I was soon brought to my senses by a kindly gentleman who reassured me that I was ‘all in one piece’ and pressed a tissue to my head. I had no idea why he was pressing a tissue to my head until he swapped it for another one and I saw the blood. Then the ambulance came and I was all a bit boo hoo for a while. Then I went home all black and blue and ever so slightly confused.
Getting hit by a double decker bus was a pretty painful experience – the headache lasted for days and was like no other headache I’d ever experienced. It also left me with a slightly gammy eye. Still it wasn’t all bad because it gave me two stories to tell.
Story One: the near death experience story.
Story Two: All five feet and two inches of WeeGee, seven stones*** wet through if she’s lucky WAS HIT BY A DOUBLE DECKER BUS AND LIVED TO TELL THE TALE.
Where was I? Oh yeah. There’s a fly buzzing around my flat and it’s driving me MENTAL….. Told you it was a hotbed of mentalness today. It’s going to be a long evening…..
Love from WeeGee and Gryff (demented within an inch of their lives by a buzzing fly) xxx
*No – I can’t swat the fly dead. Committing murder just because something is getting on your nerves is not socially acceptable.
**Accidentally (lest there be any doubt!)
***Ish – I don’t have a clue how much I weigh, wet through or otherwise.