A bit of a disaster

There have been a few small disasters in WeeGee land over the past few days. ‘A bit of a disaster’ isn’t an uncommon event round these parts: I put it down to the fact that I am one of those unfortunate people who lurches from one crisis to the next; my dad says it has more to do with the fact that I’m something of a drama queen. He’s probably got a point….

The recent spate of disasters swam round and round in my head all day yesterday and eventually they were joined by every single ‘bit of a disaster’ that had happened since the dawn of time. That’s quite a lot of disasters to have swimming around in your head. It isn’t very pleasant at all and to cut a long story short – it makes you go a bit mental.

It’s funny* how quickly you forget how hard it is to be mental. You get a week or so off and you forget what it feels like to have a load of nonsense floating around in your head all the time. Today I feel like everything has stopped, as if it’s all over somehow, as if someone hit the pause button but left the sound running in my head.

Here’s what I know:

1. This is just a feeling

2. Feelings don’t last forever

3. Another feeling will come along eventually

Here’s what I don’t know:

1. When another feeling will come along

Looking on the bright side I do at least know more than I don’t know**

Work was difficult today. I struggled to concentrate owing to the noise in my head and because most of my concentration was being ploughed into trying not to burst into tears at any given moment. I try not to cry at work because I’m a professional like that. I didn’t really feel like talking to anybody either which was just about okay unless the phone rang…

I’m home now and the plan for the evening is to make sure that I take good care of myself even though I don’t care about myself very much at all. I’ll be cooking a meal, taking a shower, emptying the bin and maybe watching some TV. That sounds like a fairly normal evening for a normal person but I’ve got a battle on my hands to get through it. I’m tired and empty and all I really want to do is curl up into a teeny tiny ball and sob for a bit. As they say in my homeland aufurfukssakes***

I suppose the headline today is that the mentals have made a small reappearance but that I’m normal enough to know I have to reach in and grab myself.

I’m afraid I don’t have a ‘meanwhile in other news’ for you today and I definitely have nothing further to add so here endeth the post.

Love from WeeGee xxx

*It isn’t funny at all, I just said that because I couldn’t think of another word

**Although if you don’t know something how do you know you don’t know it? I guess you have to kinda know something to know you don’t know it and that’s all I know about that

***Glaswegian accent required

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13 comments

  1. “I’m tired and empty and all I really want to do is curl up into a teeny tiny ball and sob for a bit.”

    I’m so sorry lovely. Sending you love and hugs and hoping this passes soon. xx

  2. Really sorry to hear that you are being hit on the head repeatedly by the rocks of life. And then all the rocks came tumbling down. Even past rocks. I hope you were very gentle with yourself and took care of yourself like you said you were going to. Boosting you up with love n hugs xxx

  3. I like your affirmations. Awesome stuff. And I hear you about the one crisis to the next. I had to have a therapist help me see that I only qualify life by the negative. I had to adjust my focus a little to see the positive mile markers too.

  4. I’m sorry your struggling today, you are not a drama queen, i hate when people say that, you are in pain! i’m glad to hear that you are going to take care of you tonight. you are important. lots of love xo
    p.s. even in your pain you make me laugh. 🙂

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