Always going somewhere

I thought it was about time I popped up to say hello. *WeeGee pops up* “Hello – how’s everyone getting on?”

The other day I was reading about the distance a human being travels when they are doing nothing more than standing still – you know what with the Earth spinning round in the solar system* and all. I really like the idea that we’re always going somewhere even though it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

For the last two years I’ve felt stuck and hopeless – trapped by my broken brain. I’ve been to some pretty hellish places and at times, I felt like it was all over, that there was nothing I could do. What I didn’t realise (or what I forgot to remember from prior attacks of the mentals) was that I had to go to all of the hellish places in order to get to where I am now. What’s that thing about having to go there to come back?

As to where I am now – well I’m okay. Don’t get me wrong: it hasn’t all gone away and I still feel pointless and empty. But (and it’s a big but**) I’m in the right place to take it on. You know last week, when Mr Clever the bow tie wearing psychiatrist said I might be ‘delusional’? I don’t think he thought I was delusional at all. I think he was trying to get my attention and remind me that I’m doing well which means that this is EXACTLY the time to deal with all the things I refuse to deal with – from this breakdown, and the last, and the one before that. I guess that’s why he’s the clever psychiatrist….

So yeah – I’m ready to throw myself into it. I’m ready to accept where I am and how I got here. I’m ready to iron out all the creases. The beauty of it is that I’ve still got that white coat safety net on my side.

I’ll never be ‘normal’. That’s just the way it goes. But I will manage this – I will take responsibility and get back to myself (however inadequate I think myself to be). I’ve done it before and I’m ready to do it again.

Lots of love from WeeGee (who has just written an uncharacteristically positive post)

*Scientific accuracy is not guaranteed

**Ho ho

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24 comments

  1. Heh. I’ve actually never thought of that before: we are still moving even when sitting still… I think I may use that fact to my advantage when I feel stuck in one of my er… Stuck states! Glad to see you feeling positive about you and life and psychiatrist and stuff. Hope you’re not getting too rained on today :/ xxxx

      1. Definitely not before time. Just read your new post. It is great you are starting to look out for yourself primarily. I will miss you on my blog but it’s imperative you do what you need to do to keep your mental health in the best state it can be. I am so glad you have found some light, some stable sustainable light. Enjoy all your new adventures xox

          1. Yes. I have taken a step back. I used to devour posts upon posts upon posts by going to the reader and typing in random searches…. don’t do that anymore. I’m dedicated to the people I do follow but I can’t take on anymore than that now. Even then I have to be careful what I read and when. I think we spend so much time feeling we have to caretake others we forget about ourselves. It is great when we realise the main person we should be looking after is ourselves.

  2. I liked that phrase, “What’s that thing about having to go there to come back?” Even better, who says we have to go back? Is there a “back”? It makes you think.

    And “delusional” is a heavy term to use outside of the clinical definition. I’m surprised he did. It feels wrong, you know?

    1. It does make you think. I think about it in terms of going to the bottom of the pit so I can get back to myself – if you see what I mean. I’m not a fan of raking over the past.

      I was a bit puzzled by the delusional comment at the time, but we’ve been working together a while and I know what he was driving at…. He really just meant I was kidding myself if I thought I could ignore it all (which I was hoping to) and that I had a good opportunity, with my well head on to face up to it with the support I needed.

          1. Awww thank you. So glad to have you back, you are missed. Next time I don’t see you for a while (if there is a next time) I will check up on you! xo

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