Where I’m at

I’ve not been very regular about blogging recently. I suppose I’ve been ‘otherwise engaged’ which is no bad thing. I’m also so woefully behind with my reading that I fear I will never catch up and so, for the sake of my sanity I’ve decided that I’m going back as far as I can tonight and then I have to draw a line under it all and start again. Sorry, sorry and triple sorry….. I hope I don’t miss anything major.

The first thing to tell you is that things are really starting to look up in WeeGee Land. But fear not! I don’t feel reckless or invincible or hyper – I guess the best way I can think of to describe where I’m at right now is to say that I feel capable and okay and both things feel sustainable in the immediate term. That’s quite good, no?

I spent most of last week readjusting my routines. I need to have routines, but the old ones were all designed with the purpose of keeping my broken brain in check. The all new routine regime keeps most of that stuff (I don’t want to get too complacent) but also builds in a bit of WeeGee enjoying herself just for the sake of it. Which is new. And nice.

Last night I phoned everybody I know* and got dates in the diary for catch ups because it’s time for the WeeGee to act on what she has always known – there’s a big wide world out there that is worth being part of. You can’t hide forever. Well – technically you can but it’s not a good idea.

I must confess that I’ve had a little think about the future of my blog. I’m kind of mid think at the moment. I know that I’m definitely not going to give up blogging but I feel like I need to work out some of the nuts and bolts stuff. I also feel like I need to keep an eye on how blog reading affects me. ‘Triggering’ isn’t really a word I would use, but I do think I need to be aware of myself and my moods – the last thing I want to happen is for me to use the blogs I read to give me ‘permission’ to go back to the worst of me. I hope that makes sense? I care a great deal about my blogging buddies, but I’m in a new place now and know that I need to care about myself first. Now I feel like I might be a shitty person even though I know I’m not.

So anyway – now I’ve done a bit of an update and a bit of an apology and a bit of thinking out loud**. Time for a spot of nice safe blog reading……

Lots of love WeeGee xxx

*With one notable and deliberate exception, but that’s a different story entirely

**Well not exactly ‘out loud’ but you know what I mean

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26 comments

    1. …. Big thank you to you (Told you I was sentimental). You’re a wise old bird – I hope you won’t take that the wrong way. I hope to be a wise old bird like you when I grow up 😀

  1. This side of you is almost like a brand-new you, actually. The same fiercely delicate soul, but somehow supercharged and brought back to life; like one of those teensy-tiny smart cars (the kind reminiscent of a toy that you plug into the wall all night before driving); whatever you’ve done to supercharge yourself: do more of it.

    I totally get the “trigger” aspect of engaging your blog enthusiasts. I was asked not long ago by a fellow blogmate to write a piece chronocling my journeys with my demons; I was flattered and debilitated by the request. Needless to say, I never came through for her. I suppose my own strength comes from the escape my blog gives me from my own shadow. Oh well.

    In any case, your light shines more brightly these days, and I say hey. Who cares how you got here… Keep journeying that path. Follow where it’s taking you. I adore this potent Wee Gee tenfold over the triggered, broken-most Wee Gee.

    So proud of you.

  2. Glad to hear you are feeling better! And glad you’ve signed up for the creative writing course, will be interested to hear about your first class! 🙂 I understand what you mean about reading other people’s blogs, and of course you have to think of your own wellbeing first – especially when you’re just beginning to get back on your feet! I hope you don’t give up blogging though, even if you blog less, I like reading your blog and would miss you WeeGee if you were gone! xx

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