The Interweb dating people

I actually wrote this post last night but I wanted to have one of my little thinks before I posted it – mainly because of that thing I have about not being unkind and being generally fair to people on my blog. Anyhoo – I’ve had my think now and I am starting with a little point of order:

I really want to keep you up to date with my adventures, but I’m also very aware that the Interweb dating people are real people too. I don’t think would be fair for me to write too much about particular people here. So I’m not really going to do that – I’ll mostly just write in the general. Once in a while I might mention specific people as they relate to me – much like I do with people in the real world – because I don’t think that’s unfair or unkind in the slightest.

That’s the little point of order taken care of then.

I think I’ve just about found my feet in the online dating world, although I must confess I’m not entirely convinced that I’ve quite got my head around the etiquette of ‘winking’….

So far I have discovered several distinct species on match.com and I already have a favourite species. This is good and has also served to remind me that those of us who spend considerable chunks of our time being mental tend also to be people who know ourselves very well. I know who I am, and I know the way that other people impact on me. I suppose you could say, it gives one the advantage when it comes to separating the wheat from the chaff.

Anyway – here’s a little run down of the species I have identified so far:

Mr glass of wine: This animal ‘doesn’t like talking online’ and would prefer to cut to the chase, as it were. Mr Glass of wine gets a great big thumbs down because all that ‘not talking online’ stuff suggests to me that he isn’t terribly interested in getting to know anyone and has his mind on other things. Also the idea that I might consider meeting someone based only on a photo they want me to think looks like them and some kind of notional description about travelling, and socialising and other such generalities IS THE WORST IDEA I’VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.

Mr I want to know the secrets of your heart: This is an usual but not at all rare creature who has very fixed ideas about how you behave in the online dating environment. He has a long list of questions relating to life, the world and the universe and will occasionally ask how you feel about getting married or some other big one plus one life event. They also tend not to get my hilarious jokes. I’m afraid ‘secrets of your heart guy intimidates me a little. He wants to know about things like my ideal Sunday, my biggest fear, my ambition in life, or what I had for breakfast on the 18th July 1999. Do you know what? My best friend doesn’t know some of that stuff about me BECAUSE IT ISN’T REALLY IMPORTANT TO HAVING A FRIENDSHIP.

Mr deal breaker: Mr deal breaker is a focused and determined creature. If he likes photography and you don’t he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore which is fine, I guess. I’m just not entirely sure why that kind of interests and hobbies stuff is so important. If the man of my dreams turns out to love Morris Dancing that’s perfectly fine but why would I need to love it too? I’VE GOT HOBBIES OF MY OWN YOU KNOW.

Mr slightly scary: I find Mr Slightly scary very difficult to deal with. On the surface he seems generally pleasant but there’s something a bit unsettling about him. If I said to you that he’s probably a life-long fan of musical theatre who has always lived with his mother and wears a trench coat would you know what was talking about? Mr slightly scary makes HUGE GINORMOUS ALARM BELLS RING IN MY HEAD

Mr very scary: This animal is extremely aggressive and should be approached and handled with care. He requires an INSTANT RESPONSE TO ALL OF HIS COMMUNICATIONS or he will, in no uncertain terms, let you know that he thinks you are pretty much the Whore of Babylon because you are ‘talking to other men’. It will probably come as no surprise to you that being called the Whore of Babylon is usually an instant conversation killer for WeeGee.

Mr I’m very probably normal and the kind of person that WeeGee will feel comfortable chatting to: This lovely little creature is a rare one indeed. In fact I have thus far discovered only two such rare gems. The very probably normal creature is, well, very probably normal. He’ll be happy to swap general chit chat about our days and let the conversation ramble around from there. He’ll be amusing and cheeky without being at all lewd. He’ll have something interesting to say for himself. Mr very probably normal might be keen to meet up but perfectly happy to have a chat over a cuppa instead of wondering what happens if he gets me smashed off my face on cheap wine*

Finally, and this I think is the most important one of all you can say to Mr very probably normal ‘You know you said you quite liked me? Guess what? I’m a nutter!’ and he will say ‘okay’ and then crack a joke about how I can’t possibly be a lunatic if I hate Coldplay, or point out that I’m actually ‘not that much of a fruit loop’ Which suggests an understanding of what I’ve said and an engagement with what I’m about – I think that’s pretty telling actually.

I suppose the only other thing I can mention about Internet dating is my mother. Mum is of the generation of people who thinks that the whole of the Internet is a dark and dangerous place inhabited only by people of the Mr slightly scary variety. She is therefore absolutely convinced that I’m going to wind up as headline news for being yet another poor innocent girl who was murdered by some ogre she met online. Different times, I guess but it does kind of bother me that she thinks I’m quite so naïve. I mean, I’m an awful lot of things but naïve is certainly not one of them. Anyway I mention this because in response to my adventures in online dating my mum is phoning me up every two minutes to check if I’ve changed my mind about meeting Simon the accountant from her church. I don’t mind that he’s an accountant and I couldn’t care less that he goes to church but if I add those two things to the fact that my mother thinks he is a potential suitor for me I KNOW THAT HE IS NOT A POTENTIAL SUITOR FOR ME.

So yeah – one week, a million and one lessons, a very annoying mother, a spot of online people watching** and two gems. I quite like online dating.

Lots of love from WeeGee xxx

 

 

*The answer to that question is I go all sweet and endearing for a while but end up crying and going home in the fullness of time

**I’d love to do it from the other side and see what tribes us female Interweb dating folks fall into. Maybe Brandon Bored could fill me in?

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21 comments

  1. Shitting hell woman, we are actually alien twins. After months of umming and ahhhhing I FINALLY signed up for internet dating last week, and then I find that you are taking the same path!!! I will enjoy sharing notes, although I haven’t been brave enough to meet anyone yet 😉
    love xoxoxoxoxox

    1. Hey there my lovely alien twin! I can’t wait to hear about your experiences. Mine have been good so far 🙂
      Love xxxxxxx

      PS – nice to see you back on WordPress. Hope you are doing okay? Huge hugs xx

      1. I think I’m OK, I’m not sure, I think I’m still learning to be OK, but I think I’m better than I was, so thats the main thing.
        I will write all about them when I get a chance, including someone who asked if they could sniff the chair I was sitting on!!!!!!?????????
        Huge hugs and love xoxoxoxoxo

  2. That’s a great post and I enjoyed reading how you perceive the different people you’ve met on Match so far. If you look a little closer to Bristol, you may eventually stumble across me… I’d like to think I’m normal with a hint of the ‘I want to know the secrets of your heart’ type… But, as I don’t receive many replies, I’d imagine I could fall in to another category… 😛

    I can’t recall seeing any women who genuinely scare me. Although, on one site, there was a woman with a ‘very large smile’, who turned out to be a transsexual (admitted in her/his profile)! A few months later and an erotic novel writer began a sex chat with me… I participated like a full, until she tried to start a web chat!! :-S

    A lot of women on these sites intimidate me for all that they’ve already seen and experienced. I quite agree about having different interests but, I feel as though some women are very set and single-minded about what they’re looking for… Not all, of course.

    Whatever my method is, it’s lead me to meeting three people affected by mental health issues in some way. 🙂

    1. I read your blog and already know that you are Mr I’m Very Probably Normal!

      I can understand the intimidation bit – people are a bit out of their natural environment and that inspires a sense of confidence that perhaps isn’t altogether real.

      Interesting that you have met several people with mental health issues isn’t it? I can’t think fo an explanation though 🙂 xxx

  3. This is fantastic! Thank you for the laugh. I’ve dealt with all those types- although will my switch from a normal dating website to a fetish related one I get waaaay more scary and weird than normal. Hence the backing off that idea entirely.

    That’s funny about your mother- mine’s the same way. But what is even funnier is my father isn’t. Because he met his fiance online. It’s sort of weird since most of his generation is like “Ahhhh, internet will ruuuuuin you”. But he’s a pretty logic-based dude in general.. Emotions are a silly thing to him.

    1. I’m glad I managed to make you laugh – I like making people laugh! I also like hearings about internet dating with happy endings. There seem to be a lot of them out there actually xx

  4. My parent are like that about the Internet, too. They think that it’s very likely one will meet a scary person on the Internet and get killed if you try to meet them in real. I think I can manage and have decent judgment, though, even if I occasionally err on the naive side. I’m not *that* naive, and I am naturally suspicious. In fact, I’d probably be more worried about something happening to my parents if they were socializing online, lol.

    1. I’m also naturally suspicious – which I think is to my advantage in this kind of environment. Actually I think you’re right – I would have a constant worry headache if my dad started socialising online

  5. I wonder if the guy I met up with is still on there! I went out with him for a while. He was nice. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship back then. Perhaps you two should meet up 😉 xxx

  6. Lol. I had a “Mr. I am not comfortable with this dating website protocol, here is my mobile number, OMG ITS BEEN 10 MINUTES, WHY HAVENT YOU CALLED ME YET?”
    However, I tell people on dating websites that I’m looking to make friends first. This seems to help, because I get to know them, and they know I want to know them and they then know that sex is off the table, and they certainly wont get that from me any time soon. There are people who exist (my last ex as an example) that you will trust enough to add to social networks, they read your social network page and say they are into the exact same things you are, only when you question them, they know nothing.
    Having said that, I’ve made a few cool internet friends from it, and one of them is a poker player and we talk about cool stuff. Now, I feel like I could potentially meet him in real life, but I’m totally on the fence now whether I want to go down the whole dating road or not. I dont think Im stable enough.
    However, you will still get feelings about people on the internet, you will still get, “Hmm, seems like a wrong ‘un” Listen to that. That’s my advice, and no doubt, you’ll stay safe.

    There should be a site that exists where you can make friends as well, that’s what I need first I think. It’s all well and awesome having a boyf, but if you dont have enough real life friends, dating is very intense, because you become reliant on them (even if you dont notice) for a social life as well.

    Yes, Ive done this a few times. NO i am not the girl who loves cats. xxxx

    1. That’s good advice – it’s funny the way you get a ‘feeling’ about certain people online isn’t it?

      I agree that dating is a bit intense if you just want to make friends. Maybe we should come up with something to fill the gap?! Hugs to you – loving your new blog xxx

  7. you know online dating is still dangerous to those not as keen as you. There are still women that fall for Mr. Glass of wine and end up being used and abused. Believe it or not, even with all the information we have available about what kind of men to avoid, many women will fall for the scary guy out of ignorance. But you have clearly thought this over. That doesn’t mean there is no risk. There is always a risk. Even your mothers pick, Simon could be living a double life for all she knows. We just have to decide which very probably normal guy is worth taking a bit of risk 😉

    1. That’s the thing isn’t it? You never really know – however you meet someone. I think the trick is to be sensible, keep your wits and trust your instincts. 🙂

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