Month: November 2012

Everything is all BRILLIANT and stuff

Before I go any further I HAVE to share this song with you because it is GORGEOUS and it’s also the best cover version in the whole world EVER:

BRILLIANT in’t it?

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday. It was Mrs Mountain day and I had an awful lot of thinking to do. Plus I had my (now daily) chit chat with Mr Magic to fit in which was sweet and awesome and a nice way to spend my evening. Mrs Mountain and I spent a lot of time talking about why I had pressed the self-sabotage button and gone a bit weird about food. There wasn’t really a conclusion but the most plausible theory was that I was happy and generally enjoying things but broken brain had decided that I didn’t deserve any of that on account of me being all rubbish and pointless and what not. By the way, project fatten up WeeGee is coming along okay but it’s really hard work and every so often I feel like bursting into tears. I’m ploughing on through it, and I’ve made plans to eat with people for every meal over the weekend because it’s difficult to be weird about eating when you’re eating with people. The only other thing to note is that if I see another sachet of complan in my life I swear to god I’m going to SCREAM.

I’ve been compiling a little list of all the awesome things about Mr Magic and it’s getting quite long now so I thought I would share it:

  • He is a magician*
  • He swears more than I do**
  • He phones me every night just to say hi***
  • He phoned me first thing this morning just to say hi****
  • He says brolly instead of umbrella*****
  • He just comes right out and says what he thinks******
  • He is best friends with the guitarist from the Real People*******
  • He understands that WeeGee is vulnerable and a) knows when to back off, b) knows when not to back of and c) has already realised that if you want to bring WeeGee back to herself when she’s having a moment you just have to tell her the truth and then make her laugh********

As for all the awesome things about Mr Grammar Geek? I won’t do a list because I can sum it up in one word: intrigue. He’s interested in all kinds of things I’m not interested in (yet) and that’s very interesting to WeeGee. I also have a sneaking suspicion that he’s hiding in a little bit of a shell and that is also interesting. Oh – and he plays the trumpet. Actually I forgot the best bit: he’s French and I’m pretty confident that he’d sound pretty damn sexy reading my shopping list out loud. Sigh….

What next….. How about a little musical interlude?

That there is the other contender for the best cover version in the whole world EVER. Listen to it all the way through and you’ll think you’re going die of awesomeness when you hear how Frank’s voice cracks with bitterness and spite at the end. I love Frank Turner so much that I’d definitely marry him if he asked even though I don’t really understand why people get married.

Work has been brilliant this week – I’ve been reminded that not only do I love my job I also love the people I work with and I know that means I am a very lucky girl indeed. Here are some of the brilliant things that have happened in the office this week:

  • I learned that those things surveyors survey stuff with are called ‘theodolites’ which means that I’ll be able to show off and say ‘that’s a theodolite’ the next time I see one
  • Mrs Bossy told the story of the time a mini tornando went down her street and a child’s sandpit landed in her garden and WeeGee thought if that was my story it would be the first thing I would tell people when I met them
  • Mrs Bossy told the story of the time her back went when she was naked in the kitchen and WeeGee thought a) if that was my story it would be the last thing I would tell people and b) that she must remember never to go into her kitchen naked again ;-P
  • Mr Hilarious kept going on about how huge the chocolate cake in the café was so WeeGee went down to see it and when the guy asked her what she would like she was forced to say ‘Nothing, I just came to look at the cake’ and felt like a bit of a chump
  • WeeGee accidently wrote ‘lots of love’ in a retirement card which disappointed her because it took the edge off some excellent sarcasm
  • WeeGee accidentally said  ‘thanks for that lovely’ at the end of a telephone call with Mr I’m Quite Handsome and everyone in the office teased her so much she actually blushed
  • WeeGee didn’t tell the rest of the office that Mr I’m Quite Handsome replied ‘No worries sweetheart….. my pleasure’ because she wanted to keep that bit to herself

Today has been one of my favourite Fridays in the world EVER because Project Rubbish is now signed off and officially off my desk and if things start falling over it’ll be nothing to do with me. This made me happy and bouncy and hilarious which was cool but then it rubbed on everyone else and it all got a bit hysterical and WeeGee had to leave the room to compose herself. I’ve reached that point in the day where I’ve written my to do list for next week and don’t want to start anything new but it’s too early to respectfully leave so I’m blogging and gossiping with you instead of gossiping with Mr Hilarious. Speaking of Mr Hilarious – here’s another reason he’s AWESOME: when WeeGee’s purse breaks and she has an emergency super glue required moment he has some emergency super glue at the bottom of one of his drawers.

Meanwhile in other news I am going to the pub after work and intend to eat, drink and be merry. Nothing else to report today save is it nearly wine o’clock yet?

*You don’t have to know very much about WeeGee to understand why that impresses her

**In a comedy fashion – he’s not at all uncouth

***And this doesn’t make me feel at all crowded or overwhelmed which is a good sign

****Because he ‘wanted to wake up with me’ and instead of being a bit creepy it was incredibly sweet

*****My friends laugh at me when I say brolly because it ‘makes me sound like an old person’

******My favourite kind of person because people like that tend not to tell lies

*******I’m guessing I’m one of only a small number of people who will find this impressive

********I don’t actually have an aside for this one but I had to keep up the pattern and I’ve now officially smashed my own blogging asterisk world record

A steadier ship

Here’s a warning for you…. You don’t have to listen to The Gaslight Anthem for very long before you find yourself accidentally listening to Bruce Springsteen wondering when you got old enough to listen to Bruce Springsteen. Here’s The Boss singing a song which is even more gorgeous when he sings it even if Patti Smith is one of the coolest people on the planet:

I am pleased to report that I’m over my wobble and I’m not feeling sad anymore – told you the ship would steady itself! I’ve admitted defeat with the whole food thing and went to my GP* to get a referral to a nutritionist because I might not be able to do this by myself and it’s very important that I manage to do it. Mr Wise reminded me that the last time I started getting over a serious case of the flat and empties I went a bit weird about food which is useful to know because if you know the patterns you can head them off at the pass. I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight in a not very considerable amount of time and I’ve dipped back into red on the chart** so there’s a lot of work to be done. But it’s okay, because I’m going to do the work and I’ve promised that I’ll get myself to the supermarket after work to do a hilarious ‘I can eat all this stuff without getting fat’ shop which is an excellent start even if I do say so myself. Pass the peanut butter….

It’s been a while since I did an online dating update, mainly because I’ve been doing some thinking and making a few little promises to myself about attachments and boundaries and now I’ve figured all that stuff out I’m all happy and excited about the whole idea again. I’m currently in touch with two interesting guys – Mr Magic and Mr Grammar Geek. Mr Magic is a magician*** who is a) very kind, b) very wise and c) not very likely to be afraid to argue with WeeGee. Mr Grammar Geek is an academic who a) is absolutely on the same page as WeeGee when it comes to intelligence, b) can out geek WeeGee on the grammar front**** and c) talks a very good cup of tea. There was a Mr Cheeky but he got a bit spooked when he realised I was mental***** and there’s a Mr Brevity who is definitely not very brief and is almost certainly interesting if perhaps a little intense so the jury is still out. Anyway – I’m going on a date with Mr Magic on Sunday which will be good fun and I’m fairly confident that I won’t come over all shy in the company of someone I can speak to on the phone for TWO hours without even thinking about it. I’m also going to meet up with Mr Grammar Geek next week and I just know that we are going to have a perfect cup of tea because neither of us would have it any other way and if it all goes horribly wrong there’s always the split infinitive to fall back on.

Here are a few more of those WeeGee observations from Match.Com

  • If you tell WeeGee your favourite film is Last Tango in Paris and she ignores you there’s no point repeating the fact because WeeGee isn’t an idiot and is ignoring you on purpose
  • If the only photo you have of yourself looks like it was taken when you were talking to your lawyer on the phone through a wire grill WeeGee will conclude that it probably was and give you a wide berth
  • 80’s music is cool and everything but if it’s the ONLY thing you listen to you aren’t really a music lover are you?

Meanwhile in other news it is officially winter because WeeGee has had to dig out the winter wardrobe. Nothing else to report today save that I said something unpleasant to The Man Who Knows under my breath but didn’t say it quietly enough and found myself on the back foot trying to think of  something that rhymed with f**k……

Loadsa love from WeeGee xxxxx

*I didn’t ever manage two visits in one week when I was PROPER mental

**But only just

***I’ve asked – he can’t magic us all better

****To be fair, I reckon he could out geek me on almost everything apart from maybe Monk

*****Which is fair enough, because it’s not for everyone is it?

Hilarity, hiding and the best chat up line in the world EVER (if you are WeeGee)

It all started with a rather hilarious evening with Mrs Sparkle. Between us we had a super duper girly evening and made every effort possible to put the world to rights. We had a good old chit chat about how different WeeGee is when she’s not off her rocker, and how much of a ginormous arsehole Mrs Sparkles ex husband actually is and how James Arthur is NOT appropriate crush material We also came up with a famed WeeGee list containing the things that WeeGee is, and isn’t looking for in a man:

Things WeeGee is definitely not looking for in a man

  • Height (I’m quite small enough without people looking down their noses at me thank you very much)
  • A ridiculous online user name (because a ridiculous online user name is the virtual equivalent of a ‘novelty tie’)
  • A desire to fix WeeGee (because of that thing I have about being independent)
  • A desire to ‘need’ WeeGee (because of that same thing I have about being independent)
  • An unhealthy relationship with a football team (been there, done that – it’s boring)

Things WeeGee is definitely looking for in a man

  • A kind heart
  • Hilarious jokes (hilarity in general will suffice)
  • A healthy dose of cheeky
  • A fantabulous hug
  • A small hint of geekiness

He’s out there somewhere, right?

And then I went to bed and discovered that I was having my first major bout of insomnia for as long as I can remember. You forget how rubbish insomnia is way too quickly. It’s piggin’ awful to be awake when the only thing in the world you want to be is ASLEEP. It’s equally awful when you remember that the only thing insomnia is good for is stirring up all the crap that you thought you had left behind. ROAR.

Anyway – the upshot of insomnia is that I’ve been having a hide today. It was only a small hide, and on reflection I think it was long overdue because there were one or two things that I needed to figure out and sometimes you can only figure things out if you pretend the world isn’t actually happening round you…..

I’ve pretty much figured it all out, but for tonight I just wanted to admit that a hide had occurred. Not only that – I have survived it and reached the conclusion that it’s perfectly NORMAL to have a bad day, where you mostly want to keep yourself to yourself and that you can do that without doing a quick recce of the light fittings.

Meanwhile in other news today I heard the best chat up line in the world EVER….. ‘is it acceptable to use a semi-colon after a question mark?’ Be still my beating heart! Nothing else to report today save that I went for a run this morning despite the self imposed running ban and it was pretty damn fine.

Lots of love from WeeeeeeeGeeeeeee xoxoxoxo

All of the feelings

I’m finding being me quite interesting at the moment. I’ve been so used to feeling nothing but misery and now I have all of the feelings at my disposal and I’m feeling them all, often at the same time. Feeling all of the feelings at the same time is a little bit confusing but it’s also pretty damn AWESOME because there’s no room for extremities when the opposite feeling is swimming around at the same time – it’s like a natural mood stabiliser which comes in pretty handy when you’re mental and prone to being ‘a bit all over the place’

Perhaps you will have noticed that I’ve had several of my little thinks over the past week or so. I think my favourite bit about recovery is finally having the freedom to think about things without fear that I’m going to think myself to the edge of a cliff. I’m starting to figure things out – like who I’ve been and who I am and who I want to be.

I’m also starting to really understand what went wrong between Mr Friendly and I and have accepted that he didn’t make me any more happy than I made him but that I was too scared to admit that on account of black and white thinking and a strong emotional attachment. I also realise that an awful lot of that feeling small and insignificant thing I do lies firmly at the door of our relationship, because it wasn’t a relationship that made me feel valued, or loved, or remotely attractive. I think my brief encounter with Mr Smiley reminded me that there are all kinds of other guys out there, and all kinds of other relationships and it isn’t worth having a relationship that makes you feel the way I used to feel about myself.

I’ve also been having a rethink about online dating because I worked something out. I worked out what I’m looking for and what I’m looking for isn’t just someone to share my life with, or someone who will hold my hand and make me think I never want them to let go or even somebody who will have the patience to get to know me slowly and surely. What I really want is to meet my best friend and then fall in love with him in the fullness of time. And that realisation changes the way I go about things.

Anyway – that’s no matter. My lovely friend Mrs Sparkle is here again, because we had such a lovely girly Saturday last week that we decided to do it again. We have a lot of things to gossip about including:

  • Whether WeeGee dares to phone Mr I’m Quite Handsome and ask if he’d like to update her on the web portal over a glass of wine
  • Whether WeeGee can really go on a date with a guy who is younger than her brother who she refers to as her ‘little’ brother
  • Whether it is a good idea for WeeGee to go on a date with a psychologist who specialises in eating disorders

I know I moaned on about watching X Factor last week, but I’m looking forward to it tonight because it’s quite entertaining poking fun at Mrs Sparkle who is simultaneously cool enough to list stiff little fingers as her favourite band and tragic enough to be a little bit in love with James Arthur.

Meanwhile in other news, I have spent the last two months perfecting a risotto recipe but what’s the betting I don’t do it perfectly when I try to cook it for someone else? Nothing else to report today save that WeeGee is all back and bouncy and excitable again.

Lots of love, WeeGeeeeeeeee xxxx

Add your thoughts here… (optional)

The World of Mentalists

It’s coming up to that time of year again. Every year we hold an online contest to recognise the very best in mental health blogging.

This year we’re doing things slightly differently. Previously it was a straight public vote. This year we’re doing it in two stages. The first stage is a public nominations round, same as last year. We’d like you to tell us your favourite blogs in the comments thread (you can nominate up to four blogs in each category; you must nominate at least two blogs overall for your nominations to count). In two categories, this public vote will decide the winner. Of the remaining categories, the three with the most nominations will go through to a judging panel. Pandora will be introducing our judges to you in the next few days. The winners will be announced on New Year’s Day 2013.

The categories that will be…

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Rock and roll romance

Before I go any further I have to share this song with you because it’s gorgeous and I’ve recently fallen in love with it (I’m sorry about the swearing at the start)

Okay, so that’s my Sir Frank moment out of the way for today…….

Today I am mostly being bored at work. I’m trying to fill in a baffling form about project ethics but I’m not having much luck with it on account of it being baffling. There’s only one section I can confidently complete but the person who asked me to fill in the form told me to leave that bit blank – apparently she can do that bit for me because ‘there are strict rules about data retention’ which is interesting considering that they’re MY EFFING RULES thank you very much missy. I’m not really used to being bored at work and I’m beginning to wonder if I gave too much of my work away. I’m also having a little worry about myself because it occurs that I continue to take a keen interest in the network project and that I was only pretending that I thought it was boring, and that I’d actually quite like it back now. Hmmm.

I suppose I should do a Mr Smiley update. Well – there shall be no happy ending for WeeGee and Mr Smiley which, on reflection, is a good thing because WeeGee had done that ‘black and white thinking thing’ and decided that she liked Mr Smiley which meant it didn’t matter what happened she wouldn’t stop liking him. So that there is lesson number one: WeeGee needs to remember to reserve judgement, and be prepared to not like people she wants to like. As to whether I really liked Mr Smiley – well I did, but maybe not as much as I thought I would, and in honesty, he made me feel a little nervous because I had a feeling he didn’t actually ‘get’ me and I felt like I was trying to please him. Which is lesson number two: it’s not a good idea for WeeGee to hang out with people who make her nervous and you can’t please all of the people all of the time. Finally, Mr Smiley said something to WeeGee which got under her skin and made alarm bells ring. The thing he said was this:

‘I think we’d probably get on great physically, but maybe not enough to talk about’

It got under my skin because I was transported back to life before Mr Friendly when the only thing WeeGee did was ‘get on great physically’ because WeeGee was sad and hurting, and had found a brand new way to hurt herself. I wondered if that was maybe where I was heading again but I decided that it definitely wasn’t because I’m bored of hurting myself on purpose. And then I wondered what it is that guys see when they see WeeGee and I wasn’t sure I liked the answer very much because I don’t really understand why you’d want to get on physically with someone you’re not terribly interested in. There’s a lesson there too, but I’m not sure I’ve figured it out yet. I’ll keep you posted. I suppose there are a couple of lessons about ‘face value’ and WeeGee being a little reckless too – but I think I knew those things all along.

Anyway – Mr Smiley goes down to experience but not in a bad way because it was a nice experience for the most part and I learned a few lessons along the way, and maybe I’ll have another friend to add to my collection which is always nice.

What else to tell you about? I could tell you about last night’s hilarious excitement but it was so hilarious and exciting that I’m going to keep it to myself and enjoy it for a little while longer. I should mention that I’m seeing Mr Friendly over the weekend which will be an interesting experience because this is the first time I’ve seen him knowing that even if he wanted to give things another go I wouldn’t. I think Mr Friendly might be surprised by who I’ve turned into because I think I’m exactly the person he was trying to stop me being for all that time we wasted together. I say wasted, but I mean it in a nice way, because it was a nice waste of time. Which makes me think that’s maybe all boys are – a nice way to waste your time!

Meanwhile in other news it’s Friday and I’ve got that Friday feeling which is novel because do you remember all those Fridays that I wished the weekend wouldn’t happen because I went mental at the weekend? Nothing else to report today save that I really must go and fill in my baffling form.

Lots of love from WeeGee

PS – told you there’d be two today 🙂

Seven things you shall shortly know about WeeGee

Morning folks. How’s everybody getting on? I wondered if you might fancy a little bit of a WeeGee awards post? By the way, it doesn’t really matter what your answer is because you are getting an awards post regardless….

The marvellous Rachel Miller over at My Bipolar Life very kindly nominated my blog for the one lovely blog award. That was pretty sweet of her and I thank her from the bottom of my heart for thinking of me. Oh and I hope you had a super birthday Rachel? The thing is – I’ve received this award before, but writing seven things about myself provides an excellent distraction which is exactly what I need right now*.

Seven things you didn’t know about WeeGee (but that you will know by the end of this post)

1. WeeGee was the head girl at her school

Believe it or not I was elected as the head girl at my school in 1995. I say believe it or not because I was in FULL BLOWN NUTTER mode at the time of my election. My readers have seen me when I’m mental, but I promise you WeeGee being mental is nothing compared to WeeGee in FULL BLOWN NUTTER mode. Being head girl means you get to wear a badge and feel popular and important but I can’t remember much more about it than that owing to FULL BLOWN NUTTER mode.

2. WeeGee has a bit of a ‘thing’ about doing things she’s not very good at doing

To be fair I’ve got an awful lot of ‘things’ about things** but the one that frustrates me most is my absolute refusal to do things that I’m not very good at doing which means I have to watch on when people are playing pool (amongst other things)

3. WeeGee thinks she might have a bit of a crush on Mr I’m Quite Handsome

This one only occurred to me today, so it’s no wonder that you didn’t know it about me before. Mr I’m Quite handsome works for one of our resellers and he comes to see me at least once a month and he’s always super nice to me because he wants us to spend loadsa money with his company. Anyway I caught myself doing the whole inauspicious check for a wedding ring thing earlier and Mr I’m Quite Handsome also caught me at it and made a joke about being single in his thirties and WeeGee thought hang on a little minute there and then shook his hand and said ‘see you next month’ in the normal fashion….. Sigh.

4. WeeGee is a ‘person of executive potential’

Believe it or not, when I’m not bouncing around being daft at work I actually have a responsible job which (even if I do say so myself) I’m pretty damn good at. I often say that I don’t take anything very seriously but my job is the obvious exception that proves the rule. Anyway, I’m pleased to report that my reputation clearly proceeds me and I have recently been put forward for the executive mentoring scheme. I consider this to be even more impressive given the recent attack of the mentals and the resultant time off work.

5. WeeGee has a lucky charm

I don’t believe in fate or destiny or any of that stuff, mainly because I try not to believe in things that defy all logic, but I do have a lucky charm. It’s a pair of miniature wellington boots that I bought at Kew Gardens about twelve years ago – they’ve lived on my desk at work ever since, and I’ve got on pretty well at work so I think it’s fair to consider them lucky

6. WeeGee has never seen any of the Star Wars or Alien films

Mr Hilarious swears blind that I’m making this one up for attention but I swear blind that I’m not. In some ways I’d quite like to watch them but I’ve made it 32 years without seeing them and I now consider it to be a bit of a claim to fame.

7. WeeGee is addicted to nicotine replacement lozenges

I’m rather proud of the fact that I managed to quit smoking when I was proper mental. I’m less proud of the fact that although I haven’t had a cigarette for 11 months*** I am now completely addicted to nicotine replacement lozenges. I guess that’s what a compulsive personality does for you.

There you go then – seven things that you didn’t know about WeeGee but that you definitely know now.

Thanks for all the hugs following my last post by the way – I knew I could rely on you guys. As a short update WeeGee got over the not being okay thing without any difficulty and I’m all bouncy and smiley again now. I’m like a Weeble because when I wobble I don’t fall down

Seven lots of love from WeeGee xxxxx

PS – if any of my readers haven’t already had the ‘One lovely blog award’ and would like it, please accept it from me because all the blogs I read are lovely

PPS – I wrote this post last night but then I got distracted by some amusing and hilarious occurrences in WeeGee land. I mention this because it means you’ll probably get two posts from me today

 

 

 

 

*It occurs to me that I started the thirty days of truth challenge and then forgot to finish it so I might revisit that soon

**Like moths and mushrooms and alphabetical order and things being at just the right angle – the list goes on

***Apart from that night I was drinking gin and tonic with Mrs Perfect but that was completely her fault

 

Great Expectations (In which WeeGee would quite like a hug)

I’m blogging from work even though it isn’t my lunch hour which isn’t like me at all. To cut a long story short I’m bored of what I’m doing* and Mr Hilarious isn’t around to distract me. It has occurred to me that I don’t like work nearly so much when Mr Hilarious isn’t around because a) it isn’t particularly hilarious without him b) Dan** is STILL going on about star wars Lego and Mr Hilarious is the only person who knows what to say to him about it and c) I could really rather do with a huge hug and someone not telling me ‘I told you so’ right about now.

Dear Mr Hilarious, Can you hurry up back from Reading because Mrs Bossy just said ‘Hang on a minute I’ll ask a young person…… WeeGee: What’s a DM – is it a DMail?’ and nobody thought it was funny. Lots and lots of love from WeeGee xxx P.S – please may I have a hug? Xx

Work is double rubbish and boring today because The Man Who Knows*** is hot desking in my office and he won’t stop boring on about all the stuff he claims to know but clearly doesn’t. If he doesn’t shut up soon I’m going to poke him in the eye, and then I’m going to poke him in the other one. And then I’m going to accidentally push him out the window – I’ve already opened it in preparation…..

Anyhow – I’m not posting to ramble on about work. I’m posting to let you know that WeeGee might finally have got to the bottom of all this ‘caring too much’ stuff because I did it, and now I’m feeling a little bruised and that’s exactly what everybody says happens when you care too much. I think I need to go back to the drawing board with ‘attachment’ and ‘boundary issues’ because I think I’m a little more wonky than I thought I was. The astute amongst you might have figured out that I’m talking about Mr Smiley. What can I say? Nothing actually because that’s all I’m prepared to say about that. I think I also need to go back to the ‘REALLY BAD SWEARWORD’S SAKE WEEGEE: WHAT IS IT WITH THIS WHOLE SHY NERVY THING?’ drawing board too, and as I’m still talking about Mr Smiley I guess that wasn’t all I was prepared to say but I’m definitely done with what I had to say now.

Moving swiftly on, I had my counselling session this morning. Mrs Mountain is also of the opinion that I’m doing well which is pretty cool. At the same time I think Mrs Mountain is also a bit more cautious than Mr Clever – I guess because she gets to see into my heart as well as my head which actually makes a lot of sense to me because it doesn’t matter how much better I get I’m probably always going to wear my heart on my sleeve and maybe I’m still not as good at taking care of it as I ought to be. I think that might be another drawing board actually!

I suppose the headline today is that I’m probably not okay, but that’s okay.. I have no intention of letting the mentals bite so I’m listening to the Gaslight Anthem**** and bouncing around seeing if I can raise a smile anywhere about the place***** and pretending that I don’t care.

Meanwhile in other news I was rather amused by the girl in the shop who asked whether she had to pay because there was ‘no money in the cash point and she didn’t want to use her card’******. Nothing else to report today save that how can somebody who sounds like this not be the most famous person on the planet?

Lots and lots of love WeeGee xoxoxox

PS Please may I have a hug?

*Which is basically little more than making a spreadsheet look pretty

**His real name because the only thing I could think of to call him was ‘Mr I’m so much of a geeky cliche that it actually hurts’ and that seemed a bit long for the purposes of this blog

***Have you met The Man Who Knows yet? He thinks he knows everything about everything but he doesn’t and I HATE HIM WITH A VENGENCE

****But not the acoustic version of Great Expectations because it makes me cry at the best of times*******

*****With some success I am pleased to report

******Of course I watched on with interest because if she’d got away with it I would have given it a go myself. Alas – Mr Shopkeeper Man was having none of it

*******And then I went and listened to it anyway

In which WeeGee has a small wobble

Yesterday I was having one of my little thinks about some stuff that I didn’t want to talk about. Unfortunately my little think didn’t turn out so well in the end and today I am mostly having a huge crisis of faith. Sigh…..

In some ways I feel more like myself than I have for a very long time, but at the same time I’m beginning to wonder if you can actually know who you are if you’ve spent the last two years of your life hiding from the world and wishing, more than anything, that you could will yourself to die in the night. I keep thinking about all the time I’ve lost – the time that I’ve filled up with nothing; the time that everybody else filled up with lots of different somethings and I end up feeling all small and insignificant again.

I suppose this is just WeeGee getting a bit scared because a second date feels like a fairly big deal in her book. It’s probably little more than a natural crisis of faith and I’ll get myself through it and then wonder what all of the fuss was about. I think maybe I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, not by Mr Smiley but by the way that I feel about Mr Smiley and all the other stuff that I’m feeling and trying to make sense of.

When I’m overwhelmed I hide, and I don’t want to hide – not now. So I’m posting this one for the sake of posterity and as a little public promise to myself: WeeGee will not go into hiding, and will not feel small and insignificant, and will definitely go to dinner later and will almost certainly have a perfectly super time.

Wish me luck

Lots of love from a slightly wobbly WeeGee xxxxxx

The brilliant blog award

I’ve got stuff on my mind today which I’d prefer not to talk about* so instead of trying to ramble round my brain trying to find stuff that isn’t ‘the stuff’ to tell you about I’m going to accept a fabulous new award instead. Yay for blogging awards!

The award is the Brilliant Blog Award and here are da rules:

Write an acceptance speech, linking back to the person who gave it to you.

Write 7 things you believe in.

Give the award to as many brilliant blogs as you would like to share the love.

WeeGee’s acceptance speech

Of course I’m going to accept this award. In general I like blogging awards because they give us a chance to find out things we wouldn’t otherwise have found out about one another and they give us an opportunity to spread some mutual appreciation around out little corner of the blogosphere. However, receiving this particular award really made me smile because it was bestowed upon me by its creator, Tallulah “Lulu” Stark of Sunny with a chance of Armageddon fame. Lulu is an AWESOME blogger and one of that small number of bloggers who make up what I consider to be mental health blogging royalty. It’s an honour that she thought of my little blog when handing out the gongs. Thanks so much xx

Seven things WeeGee believes in

I believe our children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way……… Don’t worry – I jest 😀

1. I believe in a thing called love

Seems a rather obvious one and maybe slightly twee but being loved, and loving others is something that I believe in with all of my heart. Besides, it gives me the opportunity to wallow in the nostalgia of this AWESOME song:

2. I believe in justice

In my mind justice is the thing that should lie at the heart of all human interactions – it isn’t just about legal due process (although that is important) because justice is also about doing what is right even when what is right is unpopular.

3. I believe in kindness

My motto in life is be kind, always and to everyone. Now I just need to convince everybody else to adopt it and things will be a whole lot better for us all!

4. I believe in equality

I get tired of discrimination because I can’t understand it. I can’t understand why the choices people make, or the circumstances they are born into should make any difference to the way the are perceived or treated. We are all equal, and none of us are more equal than others. The end.

5. I believe that honesty is the best policy

Sometimes the truth hurts, but sometimes people have to hurt. Lies don’t spare people’s feelings they just add insult to injury

6. I believe risks are to be taken rather than avoided

An interesting one given that a lot of my job is about minimising risk, but out there in the real world sometimes you have to take a chance on things. Sure you might get your fingers burned, but you’ll get over that. What ifs never go away.

7. I believe in rock ‘n’ roll

I guess if you read my blog you have already figured out how important music is to me. In some ways music is where I hide, but it’s also where I go to try and make sense of the feelings I can’t understand. I can’t imagine my life without music. Lets have a bit of Frank Turner, because we haven’t had a bit of Sir Frank for a while….

Seven brilliant blogs

Nominations are always the hard part of award posts. I love all of the blogs I read and I’m always tempted to give the award to everybody even though it isn’t really in the spirit of award etiquette. This time round I’ve decided to choose seven bloggers who have helped to drag me through my dark days – the ones who have always been there with a few words of encouragement, or some hugs, or a hilarious joke. I guess these are people who I am happy to be able to call friends.

1. Crazy in the Coconut: Dear Bourbon, You are AWESOME and I wish I could make you see how AWESOME you are. Lots of love, WeeGee

2. Hello Sailor: Dear Carrie, I’m so glad that I came across my alien sister brain twin. The world is much better knowing there are two of us. Lots of love, WeeGee

3. BuckwheatRisk: Dear Buckwheat, I love it when you do that little boogie woogie thing you do. You always make me smile with your comments. Lots of love, WeeGee

4. The Depressed Moose: Dear Mr Moose, What would I do without your lovely self? Lots of love, WeeGee

5. Tip toeing round the abyss: Dear Casey, Thank you so much for sticking with my blog for so long and for all the words of encouragement and kindness. Lots of love, WeeGee

6. Carry on recovering: Dear Rhio, You are as cool as penguins and a true inspiration to those battling their way through EDs. Lots of love WeeGee

7. Brandon Board: Dear Brandon, I haven’t known you long but I love your blog and I love the way you take time to leave really thoughtful (and helpful) comments on my blog. Lots of love, WeeGee

Special mention

I end with a special mention of a brilliant blogger who I know doesn’t really like the whole awards thing. Dear RThePotter, I had to give you a special mention because you have stuck with my blog through thick and thin and always been there with those wise words of wisdom of yours. Lots of love, WeeGee

The end of the brilliant blog award post

Lots of love from WeeGee xxxxxx

*Don’t worry – I’m not going mental I’m just having one of my little thinks