The hardest word

First of all I CANNOT BELIEVE that I have used an Elton John reference as the title of a post on How do you eat an elephant? It’s okay though, you can rest assured that you shall find no YouTube clip below……

I recently had cause to apologise to somebody because something I did hurt their feelings. I didn’t mean to hurt their feelings and I didn’t like doing it at all but I have learned that sometimes hurting people is inevitable. The thing about feelings is that they change and sometimes they change in ways that other people didn’t want them to and that, I guess, is when people start getting hurt. Anyway – I hurt somebody’s feelings and tried my best to tell them how sorry I was but they didn’t want to hear about how sorry I was and that made me sad. It also made me realise that ‘sorry’ isn’t the hardest word of all because the hardest word for a lot of people seems to be ‘forgive’ I spend a fair bit of my time thinking about forgiveness. Mr Wise thinks I forgive too easily and it gets me into trouble – maybe he’s right but to me forgiving people too easily is a bit like ‘being too kind’. I’m not entirely convinced that it’s a problem.

I should mention that I’m having a really rotten time of it at work at the moment. There’s a lot of ‘stuff’ going on and bombs keep exploding and everybody is so scared of Mrs Scary New Boss Lady that they’re convinced they’re going to get the sack every time a bomb goes off. Yesterday’s bomb had my name written all over it, which was unfortunate, because I was also partly responsible for Monday’s bit of a disaster. I appear not to have received my P45 today which is a good thing but it’s still slightly stressful. Whilst I’m on the subject I’ve got a top tip for you:

WeeGee’s tip of the day: If somebody tells you they have definitely done something that you suspect they might not have done…. Don’t take their word for it.

I’m beginning to wonder if I went back to work too soon. I suppose there is the argument that I’m just taking on too much at work, but I don’t have much of a say in my workload (owing to Mrs Scary New Boss Lady). This makes me think that the job I’m doing is not the right job for me which makes me very sad indeed because when it’s not all stressful and explosive I love my job and the people I work with. It also makes me scared because I’m not sure what I would actually do if I stopped doing what I do at the moment.

Anyway, today is rubbish because I feel guilty and work is stressful and because I’ve got a hole in my shoe. However, I am very definitely hanging on in there because life is good and  I have things to look forward to and  tomorrow will come around. And because I won’t always have a hole in my shoe…..

Lots of love from WeeGee xxxx

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12 comments

  1. I used to be known as a doormat to all my friends and classmates in high school. There are still a couple people who only know me as a doormat (especially Daddy). I think that makes me even more upset and offended by lack of forgiveness from others. I don’t know if that’s normal, but I understand your frustration. Hang in there.
    Lots of warm thoughts ❤ ❤

    1. That makes a lot of sense to me. I don’t know if it’s normal or not, but I do know it’s the way I am. I’m hanging on – it’s going to be okay (I’ve promised myself!) Thanks for the warm thoughts – much appreciated and I’m sending them right back atcha xoxoxoxo

    1. Hey pet – it’ll be okay and I keep thinking about my hot date and then it doesn’t seem so bad 😉

      I have many shoes and most of them don’t have holes in them 😀

      xoxoxoxo

  2. I don’t know your situation and I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through with a friend but, in my experience, when someone reacts by saying that they don’t want to hear your apology, it’s because they’re still ‘cooling off’ and need time. How long, depends on the person but, I’m sure they’ll come around if you remain patient. 🙂

    1. Thanks Brandon – I kinda know that but I sometimes struggle to understand people so it throws me if people don’t respond to something the way I would have done. But, yep, you’re right – be patient 🙂

  3. I really understand how you are feeling. The guilt that comes with expressing yourself has stifled me all my life. I put others before me constantly and do you know what, I think it’s a huge part of my misery. I am learning to be a little selfish and to use the NO word a bit more. I wince when I hear myself but I know that if I don’t start standing up for me then I will be miserable forever. We need to like ourselves and respect our own views. Be strong

    1. No is an important word but difficult to say – I so know what you mean. I’m determined to be strong because I get sick of being pushed around – as you say that only leads to misery. Huge hugs xxxx

  4. Now I have that song in my head! I’m with Mr Wise. Too much forgiveness is a problem because it means people can walk over you. People can start taking the piss and doing things they know you wouldn’t want because they know you will forgive them. I’m all for second chances but after that… No. But of course it depends what has happened. Some things are too small an issue to not forgive someone over. I’m getting my heads in a muddle here. (Heads?! Okay!). I guess it is somewhat inevitable to hurt someone sometimes because we just can’t be perfect beings and a lot of the time we say things that are for a good reason but they get taken out of proportion. Why am I rambling? Probs cause I’m procrastinating going to work. (At 3pm. Yup). I’m sorry to hear things are a bit beaten down at the moment for you. Giving you a hug and a smile to lighten up your day a little. Xoxox

    1. Hey Bourbon and her two heads 😉

      I know that’s what he means – people walking all over me and stuff, but I just think hardly anybody is rotten to somebody else for the sake of it and I don’t want to fill my heart up with hate because that’s even more exhausting than the flat and empties…..

      Sorry you have to go to work at 3pm. That’s not fair 😦

      Thank you for my hug and smile though lovely. Hope work wasn’t too bad and you are doing okay (ish) xoxoxox

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