I went to see my GP before work this morning and it’s official: I am ‘coming on in leaps and bounds’. How EXCITING is that?! Unfortunately, my excitement was slightly tempered when I arrived at work and Mr Hilarious said ‘what have you done to your hair – it looks like you’ve got a comb over?’ and I had to spend ages wandering around to see if anybody had any hair straighteners because I did indeed look like I had a comb over……
Anyway – This is just a short post to let you know I’ve decided that I quite like coming on in leaps and bounds. It’s nice getting to know yourself again after all that time in hiding; it’s nice getting up and going about the days without once wishing you were dead; it’s nice taking care of yourself without having to even think about doing it; most of all it’s nice to laugh naturally in response to something funny instead of forcing yourself to join in because ‘laughing is what the normal people do’.
I’m still trying to be gentle with myself and keep up my routines and thinking tricks because I’m not taking any risks at this point. Plus, every so often a mental thought pops up and I act on it and I know I need to work on that. Most of the mental thoughts involve WeeGee getting a bit scared when she remembers people always hurt you in the end* and responding by pulling away and closing the boundaries down. That’s rubbish for me and rubbish for the people close to me because they think everything is swimming along nicely so end up feeling confused. I’m also conscious that thoughts of food are louder than they’ve been for quite a long time. I’ve responded by making new meal plans and banning myself from running until the thoughts have gone away. The main thing is I have responded – and that’s one of the reasons I know I’m coming on in leaps and bounds.
Lots of love from WeeGee xoxoxoxox
*Which isn’t actually true. Some people have hurt me in the past, but people might not hurt me in the future