In which WeeGee has a small wobble

Yesterday I was having one of my little thinks about some stuff that I didn’t want to talk about. Unfortunately my little think didn’t turn out so well in the end and today I am mostly having a huge crisis of faith. Sigh…..

In some ways I feel more like myself than I have for a very long time, but at the same time I’m beginning to wonder if you can actually know who you are if you’ve spent the last two years of your life hiding from the world and wishing, more than anything, that you could will yourself to die in the night. I keep thinking about all the time I’ve lost – the time that I’ve filled up with nothing; the time that everybody else filled up with lots of different somethings and I end up feeling all small and insignificant again.

I suppose this is just WeeGee getting a bit scared because a second date feels like a fairly big deal in her book. It’s probably little more than a natural crisis of faith and I’ll get myself through it and then wonder what all of the fuss was about. I think maybe I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, not by Mr Smiley but by the way that I feel about Mr Smiley and all the other stuff that I’m feeling and trying to make sense of.

When I’m overwhelmed I hide, and I don’t want to hide – not now. So I’m posting this one for the sake of posterity and as a little public promise to myself: WeeGee will not go into hiding, and will not feel small and insignificant, and will definitely go to dinner later and will almost certainly have a perfectly super time.

Wish me luck

Lots of love from a slightly wobbly WeeGee xxxxxx

Advertisements

29 comments

  1. Don’t worry about it, you will have a lovely time! And you haven’t wasted 2 years, you’ve just taken a detour, things seem to have a way of working themselves out. You’re doing so well WeeGee, proud of you!! Sending many Ellie hugs xxx

  2. Get dressed up, shoulders back and head high girl. Enjoy the night for itself and don’t look back. One step at a time luv x

  3. i think its not a crisis of faith but more that funny thing called excitement that your experiencing and its a good thing! the fact you dont want to hide tells me this and as the moose is all knowing and powerful like the genie in aladdin i am right about this 😀

  4. i don’t see it as time wasted, i see it as time you spent taking care of yourself and your needs, so you could get to this place of a second date!! If you hadn’t taken those two years, you might not be going on this date!

    I understand that you would be nervous for so many reasons that’s okay, good for you for going anyway. Have fun dear WeeGee!! I’m thinking of you! xo

  5. Good luck! It will be fantastic!! Don’t worry about the ostrich feeling- perfectly normal. I have that too with budding relationships. For me I think it’s a matter of self-punishment. A sort of “how could you think you deserve this?”. But I do. And you do. Enjoy away. You deserve it ❤

How about a little chat?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s