Rock and roll romance

Before I go any further I have to share this song with you because it’s gorgeous and I’ve recently fallen in love with it (I’m sorry about the swearing at the start)

Okay, so that’s my Sir Frank moment out of the way for today…….

Today I am mostly being bored at work. I’m trying to fill in a baffling form about project ethics but I’m not having much luck with it on account of it being baffling. There’s only one section I can confidently complete but the person who asked me to fill in the form told me to leave that bit blank – apparently she can do that bit for me because ‘there are strict rules about data retention’ which is interesting considering that they’re MY EFFING RULES thank you very much missy. I’m not really used to being bored at work and I’m beginning to wonder if I gave too much of my work away. I’m also having a little worry about myself because it occurs that I continue to take a keen interest in the network project and that I was only pretending that I thought it was boring, and that I’d actually quite like it back now. Hmmm.

I suppose I should do a Mr Smiley update. Well – there shall be no happy ending for WeeGee and Mr Smiley which, on reflection, is a good thing because WeeGee had done that ‘black and white thinking thing’ and decided that she liked Mr Smiley which meant it didn’t matter what happened she wouldn’t stop liking him. So that there is lesson number one: WeeGee needs to remember to reserve judgement, and be prepared to not like people she wants to like. As to whether I really liked Mr Smiley – well I did, but maybe not as much as I thought I would, and in honesty, he made me feel a little nervous because I had a feeling he didn’t actually ‘get’ me and I felt like I was trying to please him. Which is lesson number two: it’s not a good idea for WeeGee to hang out with people who make her nervous and you can’t please all of the people all of the time. Finally, Mr Smiley said something to WeeGee which got under her skin and made alarm bells ring. The thing he said was this:

‘I think we’d probably get on great physically, but maybe not enough to talk about’

It got under my skin because I was transported back to life before Mr Friendly when the only thing WeeGee did was ‘get on great physically’ because WeeGee was sad and hurting, and had found a brand new way to hurt herself. I wondered if that was maybe where I was heading again but I decided that it definitely wasn’t because I’m bored of hurting myself on purpose. And then I wondered what it is that guys see when they see WeeGee and I wasn’t sure I liked the answer very much because I don’t really understand why you’d want to get on physically with someone you’re not terribly interested in. There’s a lesson there too, but I’m not sure I’ve figured it out yet. I’ll keep you posted. I suppose there are a couple of lessons about ‘face value’ and WeeGee being a little reckless too – but I think I knew those things all along.

Anyway – Mr Smiley goes down to experience but not in a bad way because it was a nice experience for the most part and I learned a few lessons along the way, and maybe I’ll have another friend to add to my collection which is always nice.

What else to tell you about? I could tell you about last night’s hilarious excitement but it was so hilarious and exciting that I’m going to keep it to myself and enjoy it for a little while longer. I should mention that I’m seeing Mr Friendly over the weekend which will be an interesting experience because this is the first time I’ve seen him knowing that even if he wanted to give things another go I wouldn’t. I think Mr Friendly might be surprised by who I’ve turned into because I think I’m exactly the person he was trying to stop me being for all that time we wasted together. I say wasted, but I mean it in a nice way, because it was a nice waste of time. Which makes me think that’s maybe all boys are – a nice way to waste your time!

Meanwhile in other news it’s Friday and I’ve got that Friday feeling which is novel because do you remember all those Fridays that I wished the weekend wouldn’t happen because I went mental at the weekend? Nothing else to report today save that I really must go and fill in my baffling form.

Lots of love from WeeGee

PS – told you there’d be two today 🙂

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12 comments

  1. Wee Gee,
    *Happy Dance* in celebration of becoming the you YOU want to Crome and growing bored of intentional self-harm via only getting on physically. Progress, growth, and healing are always worthy of sharing ~ it gives hope to those of us still on the journey with you.

    Blessings,
    Kina

  2. I’m sorry to hear this but, at the same time, pleased that you’re able to draw a line and accept things so early on. That takes courage and strength and you’ve still got a friend at the end of it. 🙂

  3. How much is ‘enough to talk about’? I fully understand what that feels like. I’ve found it difficult finding a true emotional connection. Try not to worry about it too much, maybe more you’ll appreciate it more when you find someone that you click with on all levels 🙂

  4. That’s okay about Mr. Smiley. We all gain experience in being a “normally functioning-type person” from doing things like dating occasionally. It’s a life experience!
    And speaking as a girl who also went through a large period of “getting on physically”, good on you for recognizing a warning sign of that nature. That shows how you’ve grown. So proud of you!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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