Month: December 2012

All the mental stuff

Hello there everybody! Just a very quick festive hello to my blogging buddies. Hope you are all enjoying your day and that things are going well. I am aware that I owe you one very big update and I promise I’ll get to that before the end of the year.

In the meantime all is calm in WeeGee land. I’m still doing really well with all the mental stuff and things in my life continue to be good. Mr Magic is still AWESOME and Christmas has been fab.

I’ll leave you with my favourite festive song. Well – it’s ages since we had a bit of Frank…..

Lots of love and festive cheer from WeeGee xxxx

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The doomy gloomies

I’ve spent the last few days wandering around with a huge black cloud hanging over my head. I was trying to ignore it because it felt too familiar and if I knew only one thing it was that I wasn’t ready to step back into the darkness just yet. And then today I realised that I wasn’t heading back to the doomy gloomies at all….. I was just experiencing a NORMAL fluctuation in mood.

You know what it’s like when you’re mental – if the worse thing in the world were to happen you’d feel exactly the same way as you did before it happened because clinical depression feels like the worst thing in the world is happening to you over and over again and you have no hope of making it stop. I thought that was where I was going for a while there. I kept feeling overwhelmed and pointless and bleak and, above all else, I felt myself sinking. I guess a lot of my readers know that sinking feeling?

I’d just got to the point of thinking ‘why now?’ and ‘why me?’ I was angry with my broken brain because I thought we’d done a fricking deal…. And then I worked out what was going on: HORMONES. And I’m as happy as happy can be now…..

I know girls are supposed to be a bit pissed off about being hormonal and stuff but here’s the thing – I’ve been depressed for my whole adult life and this is THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE EVER that my mood has had something to do with something other than a chemical imbalance in my brain. This, I think, is what normal feels like.

I think I’m supposed to eat chocolate and cry and stuff right about now but I won’t. Do you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to enjoy it, because this is NORMAL BEHAVIOUR – and if that makes you think I’m MENTAL you’d be 100 percent correct.

Here’s a little song that sums me up today (but I’ll be fine tomorrow)

Love to you all xoxoxoxox

Getting better

This isn’t the first time that I’ve started a blog entry by saying ‘I don’t know where to start’ but today it’s different because the only problem I have is deciding which AWESOME thing to tell you about first*

I think I’ll start with two apologies because I definitely owe them:

  • Apology number one: I’m sorry that I’ve been a bit irregular about blogging this week
  • Apology number two: I’m sorry that I forgot about The Depressed Moose’s birthday and therefore didn’t make a fuss of him on the day

Then I’ll do a bit of a thank you:

  • A great big thank you to my bestest blogging buddies** who noted my absence and got in touch to make sure I was okay*** Love you guys gazillions xoxoxox

Now all that’s out of the way I suppose it’s time for a little bit of an update from WeeGee land….

Ages ago, when I was all woe is me and I want to die I heard somebody**** saying ‘when things in your life are good, good things happen’ I remember it because it made me feel even more bleak than I already did because things in my life were bad and it felt like they would never get any better and it just hammered home that ‘what’s the effing point’ feeling that creeps in so regularly when you’re mental.

But somehow (and very slowly) things started to get better. They got so much better that eventually I had my ‘holy swearword moment’ and realised what the effing point was. And from that moment on things in my life have been good and getting better all the time. As I write this I can say genuinely that I am happy, that I’m enjoying life and that I can’t wait to find out what comes next. I’ve always liked adventures – it’s just that I’ve usually been too scared to go on them. Not anymore.

Meanwhile in other news I would like to make it known that there is ABSOLUTELY no way to get in or out of a Porsche wearing a skirt with any dignity whatsoever. Nothing else to report save that Gryff is getting a bit fed up with all this WeeGee having a social life stuff so a night in with the cat is very definitely in order.

I leave you today with an AWESOME (if a little old) song which sums up my life quite neatly at the moment:

Lots and lots and lots of love and a few hugs for good measure, WeeGee xoxoxoxo

PS – I promise to catch up on your lovely blogs this week. I’ve been missing you all

*I’ve had my fair share of problems and this is officially my favourite problem of all time

**You know who you are

***I wondered if you thought I was a) heartbroken because it had all gone tits up or b) murdered because Mr Magic turned out to be a serial killer…..

****I can’t remember who – some kinda celebrity