Stone

I figured it was about time I did a bit of an update from WeeGee land because it’s been a while. It’s not so much that I’ve been putting it off it’s just that I haven’t really known where to start…..

I wonder where I should start?

So. On a scale of one to mental, I don’t think I’m mental at all. Which is good. At the same time, I’m not convinced that I’m entirely myself. From the outside looking in it must seem that I am because I’m doing a good job of pretending to be me – all jaunty and hilarious and AWESOME. But something isn’t quite right. In fact it feels a lot like my big swollen heart got swapped out for a stone. How on earth do you go about finding your heart again?

I’m not used to being so distant and separate from the people I care about. I’m not sure I like it, but I keep coming back to the notion that the harder your heart is the less you get hurt. Maybe I’m doing this on purpose. Maybe shutting the whole world out is perfectly rational in light of everything? I don’t know…..

I’ve a lot to be sad about right now. I need to remember that and accept that sad is okay sometimes. I’ve also got a few things to care about. I need to remember that as as well and accept that one of these days caring is going to have a happy ending. Whatever that might be.

In summary? I’m a bit mixed up but holding on tight.

Love you all lots and lots xoxoxoxoxox

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13 comments

  1. Don’t worry – it sounds as if your feelings have been on overdrive and need a rest. Speaking personally, I can only generate a certain amount of feeling at a time – if I’ve used it up, I have to wait to collect a bit more. Not sure what ‘normal’ means in this context so I can’t say if that’s normal or mental or even if that classification has definable meaning 🙂

  2. I think sometimes we need to go into protective mode sometimes, and for people like you and me, that is shutting out the world and hardening up our heart. Not an overly joyful way to live but we both know it never lasts forever xx

  3. Glad to hear from you WeeGee, it’s ok to be sad but make sure you are looking after yourself and giving yourself time to relax and be sad. Sending lots of hugs and support, and thinking of you. I know this is a hard time, and it’s ok to be sad but remember things will get better, and you have lots of people who care about you xxx

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