Month: June 2013

Thus the sky has nothing to scatter but red….

It’s pretty late. As in well past WeeGee’s bed time pretty late. The thing is my brain is not going to consent to going to sleep and I don’t have the energy to have that particular argument with myslef so I’m going to go right ahead and blog instead.

Hello! Welcome to my insomniac, wibbly wobbly wobbling post 🙂 I might as well tell you the short story because the long story is, well, long…..

So – I had a date. Third date actually with a total sweetie. And I had a lovely time. And that ought to be all you need to know. But then WeeGee did a WeeGee and pushed the infamous self sabotage button….

‘Dear Mr Awesome Thing Number Five,

Oh, you’re not thinking of running a mile? Let me behave like a weirdo until you do

Love, WeeGee’

Why can’t I just take nice and enjoy it? What on earth is the matter with me?

If I’m lost tonight, it’s only because I lost myself. And, as Mr Wise quite rightly pointed out – I seem to be doing this on purpose. How many more inappropriate guys am I going to fall in love with? Do I even want someone to care let alone love me? Do you like this song? It’s AWESOME:

Oh – and as for the title of my post? I went to the Science Museum on Saturday and a little person had drawn an awesome picture and explained some science that was beyond me and ended by pointing out that the sky had nothing else to scatter but red. I liked it.

Love you with all of my heart xoxoxo

Wibbly wobbly wobbling

Before anybody mentions it:

• Yes, it’s ridiculous o’clock in the morning
• Yes, I’m awake
• Yes, I’ve been awake for hours
• Yes, I’ve tried going back to sleep
• No, I can’t get back to sleep
• ROAR

That clears up the background…..

How’s everybody been? Since last she popped up WeeGee has mostly been AWESOME with occasional outbreaks of wibbly wobbly wobbling. I do love the odd bout of wibbly wobbly wobbling, but only because it’s good fun to say.

By the way, before I forget, if you notice the odd missing ‘L’ in this post can you please be too polite to mention it because it’s not my fault that the ‘L’ key on my laptop is feeling a bit temperamental and is refusing to type every so often.

Anyway – back to the wibbly wobbly wobbling* well, it just seems to happen every so often. It would appear that when I’ve nothing to be wibbly or wobbly about I’ll ramble around my head until I find something to make me go a bit wibbly wobbly. And then I wobble about for a while until I remember that I’ve got nothing to be wibbly wobbly about and then everything is AWESOME again. All of this just to say:

WeeGee wobbles but she won’t fall down**

It was Mrs Mountain day yesterday. Now I only see her every other week I try to use the time as wisely as I can because, you know, a fortnight can be a long time on planet mental so you have to make sure Mrs Mountain has heard all about it.

This week we were trying to figure out how and when it became such a big deal for WeeGee to let people into her life – by which we really meant ‘what’s the problem with people you don’t know very well coming into your flat and why do you feel the need to do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING you possibly can to avoid it?’

On the face of it, I guess it seems quite straightforward. This is MY space, it’s where I hid during the wilderness years, it’s where I paced about thinking completely and utterly bonkers stuff, it’s where I got better, it’s where I figure stuff out. They say an English man’s home is his castle. I guess a Scottish girl’s home is her teeny tiny flat…..

I suppose there’s also the fact that I’m quite ‘particular’ about certain things, you know, like angles and stuff. Nothing just ‘is’ in my flat – it’s ‘placed’ and if I’ve placed something somewhere and somehow that’s exactly how I want it to stay. The thing with other people is they don’t know the rules and they mess stuff up and put stuff that doesn’t belong in my flat in places it doesn’t have any right to be. And that upsets my sensibilities. They are also liable to switch the big light in the kitchen on and for some reason that makes me want to punch them in the face. Hard.

Still, there’s more to it than that, because that’s all stuff I can think my way out of. What I can’t think myself out of is the ‘empty’ people leave behind when they go away. When I first started living alone I thought the ‘empty’ was going to consume me. I hated it. It made me want to jump off tall things. And then I got used to it. I filled the space up with things that matter to me – tokens, memories, pictures, thoughts. I forgot what empty felt like by focusing on the mementos and how important they were to me and convincing myself that there’s no such thing as alone.

So anyway. Suppose I got used to having someone around? Not all of the time, because that’s completely out of the question, but maybe some of the time? Maybe on occasional evenings? Or at the weekend? It might be alright. But. That someone would start to fill the space up with themselves wouldn’t they? And that also might be alright. But. What if, at some point in the future, they stopped being around? Would I have to spend my time running away from empty until I got used to it again? The thing is I really don’t think I want to do that because I’m not entirely convinced I can.

As always, you will see that I have more questions than answers. I’ll have to have one of my little thinks about it. I’ll probably do a bit of wibbly wobbly wobbling as well, but I guess in the end it’ll all be AWESOME.

Meanwhile in other news, after the adventures in the ‘nipple-tastic’ dress last week yesterday I opted for the ‘makes WeeGee looks like she might be preggers’ dress. As pointed out by Mr Hilarious (very loudly). Nothing else to report today save that WeeGee very definitely doesn’t have a bun in the oven, and she’s never wearing that particular dress again.

Love you all lots and lots like polka dots***

WeeGee xoxoxox

P.S. Did I miss any Ls out?

*Have you tried saying it yet? Oh go on, I promise it’ll make you smile
**Like a weeble!
***I LOVE polka dots

Topsy turvy, wobble wobble

Well. It’s all been a bit topsy turvey, wobble wobble, WeeGee has a little think of late hasn’t it? Thanks for sticking by me and for putting up with me – I really appreciate that.

There’s been a lot going on, and I’ve kinda been skirting around it on my blog. I figured I might as well do a bit of a fill in the gaps post so that you all know where I’m at and so that I’ve taken the time to explain it all. It’s either that or do the whole ostrich routine. Which is boring……

I’m wobbling because I can’t control what’s going to happen and if ever anything is going to make me wobble it’s not being in charge of the future. A while ago, I decided I needed a break from dating because, you know, there was some thinking to do, and lessons to learn. And then Mr Awesome Thing Number Five turned up. Which wasn’t supposed to happen and which challenged the whole take a break thing.

So – why did I want to take a dating break?:

• Because I’m still, however well I’m doing, mental
• Because I actually like being alone
• Because I keep (quite deliberately) hooking up with inappropriate blokes – which proves the last two points
• Because everything ends and I can’t stand endings

Why don’t I want to take a break anymore?:

• Mental isn’t the end of the world
• Being alone isn’t exclusive to spending time with people
• Mr Awesome Thing Number Five isn’t inappropriate in anyway
• You have to do the thing before you get to the ending…..

Hmmm.

I guess I just have to wait and see don’t I?

Whilst we’re sort of on the subject I want to wrap Mr X up. He feels a long time ago, and I know he was inappropriate. If you ‘separate’ from your spouse but find yourself living with said spouse seven months later then you are clearly not ready to date. I knew that at the time, in my head at least. I’m not sad that things didn’t work out between Mr X and I, because they were never going to. I’m just sad I lost a friend, and I don’t really understand why meeting up for a cup of tea is so unspeakably impossible. Then again, as Mr Wise pointed out – that’s a useful lesson in how other people don’t always behave like WeeGee.

But back to Mr Awesome Thing Number Five. Well he’s sweet. And he’s lovely. And I think he’s going to tell me the truth.

And I’m terrified.

But I’m not going to hide.

Love you all lots and lots. Like jelly tots and tots.

I want to be alone

You might have noticed that I’ve been a little bit wobbly of late. I could say that I don’t know why I’m wobbly but if I said that it would be a lie and I’m not much of a one for that. You might also have noticed that it’s THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. Well yeah, I’m not sleeping well on account of being a little bit wobbly and stuff like that……

I can’t pretend. I’m kind of, sort of, and mostly hiding in my little hidey hole. I like it here. It’s all easy, and safe, and no-one can get in. And my god, I wish it was that easy. Turns out that you can’t keep the world out by pretending it isn’t happening. That’s the thing about the world. It doesn’t stop. Not even when you want it to……

So – I met this guy. In an accidental fashion, as is always the way. And he’s sweet. And he’s lovely. And he’s funny. And he’s clever. And he’s already verging on too good to be true. And I keep thinking, as is my way, that I don’t deserve this. He’s a special person and special people always leave.
I’m kind of annoyed with myself because I know it didn’t ought to matter, and I know that this is my downfall. But what if, just for once in my life, I’m right? What if I stumbled across that special person who wants to live in my heart? Even for a little while?

But then I remember that I’m wrong.

I spent a long time wishing I wasn’t alone. And then I got used to it.

Take a little look….

Hello folks……

Here’s some stuff for you to look at pending my next AWESOME post:

1. My ‘other‘ blog

Go on, it’s cool and I really want to get it off the ground…….

2. My facebook page

It’s just not the same without you

3. The new kid on the block

I love this guy and you will too. He’s just getting started and I’m sure you’ll give him the usual mental welcome.

Back tomorrow with more WeeGee words of wisdom xxxx

Coupla points of order…

Funny one from me tonight. I’ve a great big post forming in my head but I’m not quite ready to write it so I thought I’d go for a few points of order:

Point one: Hello to my new followers. There’s been a lot of you recently and you’re all welcome to the awesome and occasionally slightly demented place that is WeeGee land

Point two: I’m sorry I’ve been so rubbish at reading your blogs. I’ve got a system now so I’ll be better from now on. Promise.

Point three: Does everyone know about my facebook page? All welcome

Point four: I’ve a brand new blog, I could use your support. Go on….

Love you lots. And lots. And lots. And lots and lots and lots xxxx