I want to be alone

You might have noticed that I’ve been a little bit wobbly of late. I could say that I don’t know why I’m wobbly but if I said that it would be a lie and I’m not much of a one for that. You might also have noticed that it’s THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. Well yeah, I’m not sleeping well on account of being a little bit wobbly and stuff like that……

I can’t pretend. I’m kind of, sort of, and mostly hiding in my little hidey hole. I like it here. It’s all easy, and safe, and no-one can get in. And my god, I wish it was that easy. Turns out that you can’t keep the world out by pretending it isn’t happening. That’s the thing about the world. It doesn’t stop. Not even when you want it to……

So – I met this guy. In an accidental fashion, as is always the way. And he’s sweet. And he’s lovely. And he’s funny. And he’s clever. And he’s already verging on too good to be true. And I keep thinking, as is my way, that I don’t deserve this. He’s a special person and special people always leave.
I’m kind of annoyed with myself because I know it didn’t ought to matter, and I know that this is my downfall. But what if, just for once in my life, I’m right? What if I stumbled across that special person who wants to live in my heart? Even for a little while?

But then I remember that I’m wrong.

I spent a long time wishing I wasn’t alone. And then I got used to it.

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22 comments

  1. After Rob and I split, I thought I’d never get used to sleeping in a big bed by myself. But I did, and I decided I liked it. I could throw the covers off, sleep in the middle, hell – sleep diagonal if I wanted to. Then I met Josh. Getting used to sharing the bed with him took time. I had to stay on my own side. He wanted more blankets but I was too hot. But now, I have a terrible time falling asleep if he’s not there.

    Change needs to happen to all of us. If you never take a chance, you’ll never know how truly awesome the outcome could have been. And if there is one thing I can tell you with the utmost certainty – you have to kiss a whole lot of frogs before you find your prince. Go buy some new lip gloss and get ready to pucker up.

    *hugs*

  2. Sometimes we need to hide for a while but sometimes it’s better to try and get out – get some fresh air and do something. (This is advice I should be taking as I am currently hiding in my bed!) You deserve someone lovely and special because you are lovely and special. I know you have been hurt a lot in the past but not everyone will hurt you. Take care WeeGee xxx

  3. Hugs lovely girl.
    I know you probably wont believe me right now, but you are such a special person.
    I do the exact same things and say the exact same things, but moose is right.
    You deserve happiness and love, everyone does. Everyone!
    I know it’s super hard to believe that you wont be left again, but your heart obviously wants more than to be alone. xxx

    1. Thank you, thank you, and thank you again. Oh and hugs back. I really appreciate you looking out for me today and I’ll keep you posted on this happiness thing…..

      <(")

      xoxox

  4. having been fortunate to have met you in real life i can tell you that YOU are a wonderful, special, caring and loving person and people are drawn to you because of this. Take a chance and let the good times roll because my dearest weegee you deserve happiness yourself for bringing joy to others….

      1. Indeed! Often those thoughts of self-doubt are just little messengers telling us where we’re stuck, and, where growth is about to take place if we continue to work on ourselves with compassion and humour.

  5. Hugs WeeGee, standing with you! It seems there’s a lot of us on here including myself that are battling dark places, I don’t know how your weather has been there but it’s been dark and dreary here. I wonder if that’s part of it. I know the sun was out in very short intervals today and I had more energy than I’ve had in a while. Take care of you xo

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