Month: July 2013

Birthday blues

Before I get to today’s update I have a couple of those points of order that pop up every so often to take care of…..

Point of order number one: I officially suck at reading blogs at the moment and I’m sorry about that. I love you all lots, and I miss you more, but my time is all filled up with grown up ‘need to do’ stuff and reading your blogs has fallen down towards the bottom of the pile. I promise I’ll be back shortly but in the meantime will you forgive me?

Point of order number two: Does everybody know that ‘How do you eat an elephant?’ has a Facebook page? No? Well it does. You can find it here:

https://www.facebook.com/HungryElephant

I’m one follower short of 30, and apparently when you get to 30 magic things start happening…… Go on – it will surely improve your life ☺

The End of the point of order section.

Since I last blogged I’ve been a busy little WeeGee. I’ve been getting myself all sorted out, and organised and back on track. I’ve also been having one of my (fairly extended) little thinks. After all, what would the WeeGee be without one of her little thinks?

In five days time I’m going to be having a birthday. Having a birthday shouldn’t be a big deal because everybody has one, like once a year and stuff, but it feels like a pretty big deal to me right now. I spent my last birthday hiding in my little hidey hole*, pacing about, and being TOTALLY MENTAL before doing myself a small mischief and presenting myself at A&E because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. It was whatever the opposite of tremendous fun is.

Birthdays bring out The Dreaded Jitters in me. I don’t really know why, except that maybe it’s the one day of the year when people seem to want you to be the centre of attention which actually only really means that they want you to be ‘happy’ even if you don’t feel much like being happy. Maybe I don’t like the ‘expectations’ that are associated with birthdays? Maybe I’ve had enough miserable birthdays to last me a lifetime? Maybe this is just WeeGee being an idiot and it’s about time she POKED HERSELF IN THE EYE?

If I shut out the anxiety** my upcoming birthday is looking pretty peachy. I’ve got a few days away with Mr Awesome Thing Number Five to look forward to. AND I’m going to spend a morning feeding some penguins***. AND mum and dad are coming to visit. AND I’m off work. AND I’ve got a very exciting new birthday handbag.

It’s all a bit ‘what’s not to like’ and I really wish I could shake this weird ‘I don’t like birthdays because they make me a bit mental’ thing. But hey – you know me and my brain. It doesn’t always make sense…..

Aside from all that WeeGee is doing pretty good. I’ve got a fantabulous ‘how far I’ve come’ post lined up for you but I’m going to take my time writing it because it’s an important one.

Meanwhile in other news here’s a lovely little Frank Turner song for you. I might have shared it before but what’s a bit of repetition amongst friends?

Nothing else to report today save that I love you all loads and loads like……. Roman roads???

WeeGee xoxox

*Rhio – TOTALLY tongue in cheek xoxox
** Just like that!
***Which is AS COOL AS PENGUINS

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Ever, ever, ever…

Guess what I’ve been doing? I’ve been having one of my little thinks. I’ve mostly been thinking about the past although the future has been creeping in every so often. Above all else I’ve been thinking that the past and the future have an awful lot in common insofar as that neither of them really deserve the attention that goes into one of my little thinks. Is that what you call wisdom?

Anyhow….. Things are rolling along quite nicely here in WeeGee land thanks very much. Of course there had to be a big ‘boo-hoo, it’s all a bit fucked up and stuff’ moment but I’m coming to learn that those moments aren’t as bad as all that because those are the moments that happen so that you can start all over again. Sometimes it feels like it’s all going to fall apart but then you realise that you aren’t going to fall apart because the people around you aren’t going to let you. Tell you what – I’m a lucky girl. If I only need one reason to be cheerful, that there is it….

I’ve been staying with Mr Awesome Thing Number Five for the last few days. I guess I needed time out, and a break from the usual routine, and – okay, I admit it – I needed someone to care. And that’s exactly what I got. I got space, and peace, and quiet, and the company of the most perfect guy who isn’t going to try to fix me but who will have the patience to stick around while I fix myself. Told you. I’m a lucky girl.

Staying with Mr Awesome Thing Number Five presented an unusual opportunity in that for the first time in about ten years I had the chance to weigh myself. I’ve been ‘recovered’ for the best part of fifteen years but in that whole time I’ve never known what my weight was. All I knew was that it was okay. Scales were scary. Numbers were scary. The whole thing was scary, scary, scary. Even though I new I was okay it was still scary. Knowing the numbers, and seeing the numbers was something that I was told, and that I thought I couldn’t do. And then today I stepped on the scales I’ve been walking past every day. And it made my day. It turns out that a recovering anorexic can find her way to the holy grail that is ‘intuitive’ eating and can come to see that weighing more than she ever weighed in her life can be the BEST THING IN THE WORLD. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. 

So yeah. It’s all good. Apart from my birthday. I don’t like birthdays, and my last one was awful. I hope this one will be a bit better. Oh and bums. There’s still the 19th September to deal with. Why must I have a brain? Why must I remember?

Love you all lots xoxoxo

How did this happen?

Sometimes it’s really funny the way things turn out…. I’m currently dating a guy called Craig. Before that I dated a guy called Daniel. Before that I dated a guy who described himself as Daniel Craig’s body double*…. Weird huh?

Anyway – all of that aside, I figured it was time for a proper update. And by proper I mean not all BOO HOO or all AWESOME and just a bit matter of fact this is what’s going on in WeeGee land at the moment…..

Bottom line? Life is good and I can’t find a single thing to complain about** I went from ‘dating’ a lovely guy to being ‘in a relationship’ with a lovely guy which ought to be weird and scary but which is actually just natural and nice. You can spend years and years and years of your life dreading and avoiding something until one day the thing you were dreading and avoiding turns up and you are somehow glad that it did.

Hmmm. So the thing is that this time last year I was a bit mental. I was hiding, and jumping off tall things, and waiting for it all to be over. This time last year I wasn’t coping. As for now? Take that broken brain. I’m all better, and well, and IN YOUR FACE DEPRESSION. Oh and I seem to have remembered what the future feels like and it’s all cool….

I suppose the pertinent point at the moment is my upcoming birthday. What should I do? A big thing with all the people I know (scary), a medium thing with the important people (scary) a small thing with the old folks, or the new folks, or the wordpress folks. BUMS.

This isn’t the kind of song I usually share

Jelly tots xxxx

*To be fair, there is definitely a resemblance
**I could if I tried. But why try?

Leap and a net will appear

Okay folks. Here goes…..

First up the sun is shining and all is well here in WeeGee land. On which note I have a message for all the people who think it’s ‘too hot’: Shut your face and do one of the following:

• Take your shoes off and walk barefoot on grass
• Eat an ice cream
• Go to the seaside
• Get over it

Okay?

We’ve had a funny few weeks on ‘How do you eat an elephant?’ haven’t we? It’s all been a bit wobbly and Boo Hoo and why don’t we just go ahead and jump out the window. To be fair, I think I got a little bit lost in things that don’t matter – you know, like the future and stuff.

The last time I updated you I was feeling a bit scared and a bit hidey and a bit WHAT THE FUCK? I’ve settled down again now and I’m mostly thinking that old thing about the future starting here.
Let’s forget about all the weird shit I could worry about. I’m a happy and lucky little soul. And that’s going to do me……

Here’s a song…

#lovedup

Love you lots like jelly tots

You do it to yourself

Today I have mostly been feeling quiet and introverted. I’ve also been feeling grateful for all the lovely people I have in my life – especially those who spotted the ‘hide’ and popped up to say ‘hey – are you hiding WeeGee?’ I love you all like jelly tots xoxox

I’m not entirely sure what I’m hiding from unless, of course, it’s the future, which is my favourite thing to hide from. The future is a bit like time and space insofar as that it’s impossible to comprehend and way too big for a simple creature such as WeeGee to get her head around.

Last night I wrote a post. I was trying to say stuff, and make sense of stuff, but when I came to read it back it seemed like it had been written by somebody else. That wasn’t me at all, and so I started to wonder just how lost I really am. Truth told, I think I’m a lot more lost than I’d ever care to admit. Oh bums and stuff….

Yesterday I was all brave and ‘let’s give this a go’. Today I’m frightened and overwhelmed and not sure where to turn next. Today I am reminded that a ‘highly sensitive individual’ is easily confused, and easily scared, and maybe not cut out for this whole dating thing. I do the same thing every time – fall head over heels in love with a guy who just doesn’t feel the same way. I remember the good bits and ignore the great big flashing warning signs. I do it to myself:

So what next for WeeGee? Who knows…..? Maybe I need to listen to Mr Wise, or maybe I need to listen to Mrs Mountain, or maybe I need to listen to Mrs Sparkle, or maybe I need to find a way to listen to my heart – which is an awful lot easier said than done.

In all of this Mr Awesome Thing Number Five gets a bum deal and I feel really sorry for that. Then again – I can only ever be the mental person I was supposed to be. This is Wibbly wobbly wobbling WeeGee – I guess you take it or you leave it.

I’m not sure if this post makes a lot of sense, but I do know that it sounds like me. That, I guess, is the main thing.

Meanwhile in other news I spent a lot of time today planning my next Tatty Devine purchase. Nothing else to report today save that I love you all lots and lots like jelly tots and tots.

WeeGee xoxoxo