Ever, ever, ever…

Guess what I’ve been doing? I’ve been having one of my little thinks. I’ve mostly been thinking about the past although the future has been creeping in every so often. Above all else I’ve been thinking that the past and the future have an awful lot in common insofar as that neither of them really deserve the attention that goes into one of my little thinks. Is that what you call wisdom?

Anyhow….. Things are rolling along quite nicely here in WeeGee land thanks very much. Of course there had to be a big ‘boo-hoo, it’s all a bit fucked up and stuff’ moment but I’m coming to learn that those moments aren’t as bad as all that because those are the moments that happen so that you can start all over again. Sometimes it feels like it’s all going to fall apart but then you realise that you aren’t going to fall apart because the people around you aren’t going to let you. Tell you what – I’m a lucky girl. If I only need one reason to be cheerful, that there is it….

I’ve been staying with Mr Awesome Thing Number Five for the last few days. I guess I needed time out, and a break from the usual routine, and – okay, I admit it – I needed someone to care. And that’s exactly what I got. I got space, and peace, and quiet, and the company of the most perfect guy who isn’t going to try to fix me but who will have the patience to stick around while I fix myself. Told you. I’m a lucky girl.

Staying with Mr Awesome Thing Number Five presented an unusual opportunity in that for the first time in about ten years I had the chance to weigh myself. I’ve been ‘recovered’ for the best part of fifteen years but in that whole time I’ve never known what my weight was. All I knew was that it was okay. Scales were scary. Numbers were scary. The whole thing was scary, scary, scary. Even though I new I was okay it was still scary. Knowing the numbers, and seeing the numbers was something that I was told, and that I thought I couldn’t do. And then today I stepped on the scales I’ve been walking past every day. And it made my day. It turns out that a recovering anorexic can find her way to the holy grail that is ‘intuitive’ eating and can come to see that weighing more than she ever weighed in her life can be the BEST THING IN THE WORLD. Ever. Ever, ever, ever. 

So yeah. It’s all good. Apart from my birthday. I don’t like birthdays, and my last one was awful. I hope this one will be a bit better. Oh and bums. There’s still the 19th September to deal with. Why must I have a brain? Why must I remember?

Love you all lots xoxoxo

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8 comments

  1. Really good news about letting him look after you and the scales – so happy for you! 😀 September will be ok, it will be hard but you can get through. Very strangely that is the same time of year that is difficult for me too. Hugs xxxx

    1. Thanks Ellie 😀 I’m quite determined to get through the dreaded September although like you say it will be hard. Drop me a line if you find yourself wobbling xoxo

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