Month: February 2014

Absent minded

I’ve spent most of this week wandering aimlessly around my life as if it doesn’t belong to me. If I’m present it’s in body alone – my mind is elsewhere, if indeed, it’s anywhere at all. There was a time when my feelings were all red, and angry and violent. Now I feel a little bit grey and little bit blue – inky I guess. Some things happen and some things don’t happen and I look on feeling quite certain that it doesn’t matter one single little bit whether I’m here to watch them happening and not happening. Things will happen and things won’t happen whether I’m here or not. I’m not going to be jumping out of any windows any time soon but if someone offered me the opportunity to clean disappear  from my life I’d bite their hand off to take it…..

It all started with one of those throw away comments. You know the sort of comments that don’t mean anything unless you have the kind of brain that likes to pickle throw away comments so you can think about them for the rest of time? I’ve never had a shortage of pickled comments to beat myself up about although to be fair, I’d kind of hoped I’d reached a point in my life where I wasn’t going to add anymore. It’s laughable really. Sometimes I think that hope is the most important thing and then I go and have a little and I remember exactly what hope does for you.

There is nothing wrong at the moment – at least nothing a good nights sleep, plenty of clear fluids and some good food won’t sort out. On the one hand I know that, and on the other hand it doesn’t matter that nothing is actually wrong. Everything FEELS wrong and I can’t figure out how to make it FEEL any better. Feelings, eh? Who’d have them?

I think this might be the most pointless blog post I’ve ever written and I hope you will forgive it. I decided that if I could write about what’s going on I’d have to think about what’s going on. I guess I need to kick start one of my little thinks – so look at this as CPR for WeeGee’s broken brain. I’m feeling very broken but at least I’m still looking for ways to put it all back together again.

I’ll be back with an AWESOME post for you very soon. 

Love you all lots like jelly tots

WeeGee.

 

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An irritating post

Good evening gentlepeople of WordPress. How’s it all going? I trust that you’re all AWESOME and stuff like that? I thought it was about time I reported for duty. It’s been a week or so which seems to me to be a reasonable blogging interval for a busy WeeGee. Anyway – to cut a long story short by repeating myself – here I am, Reporting For Duty after a short blogging interval.

To be perfectly honest I still haven’t figured out what I’ve mostly been being since the last time I blogged. On the one hand I think I might have been irritable but on the other I think I might have been irritated. I’ve been thinking about it for most of the day and eventually it turned into one of those impossible, hurty-head, chicken and egg things so I decided to tell you that I’ve been both irritated and irritable and that I don’t exactly know which of the two came first. More to the point I don’t suppose it really matters to anyone apart from me……

Ever since I can remember things have had a tendency to get ‘under my skin’. For my part, I see this as an integral part of my personality but the headshrinker-type-people often cite it as one of my ‘difficulties’. Apparently thinking about things until they are under your skin in such a way that you are so irritated (or irritable) that you feel physically unwell is just one of the many Great Fun Things you have to learn to live with when you’re mental. And yes. I’m well aware I could have done a better job of constructing that last sentence but I’ve written it now and if you read it slowly enough I think you’ll get the gist anyway.

The list of things that have either made me irritable or irritated me in the past two weeks feels pretty much endless. It all started with a whole load of nonsense on WordPress, then there were the stupid celebrity scales which were (bafflingly) linked to the prevalence of eating disorders, then there was the sign that said “You would be pleased to know that our coffee is only made with organic milk” (which implied to me that it WASN’T), then there was my upstairs neighbour BEHAVING LIKE A DICK, and then there was this, which one of my ‘friends’ kindly shared with me on Facebook:

WTF

I don’t know about you but when one of my light bulbs stops working I don’t fix it I BUY A BLEEDING NEW ONE. And I really don’t think that’s much of an analogy for a relationship.

Harrumph!

Anyway – before I started getting irritated (or irritable) about all the things that have irritated me (or made me irritable) I had a serious point to make: I got genuinely bothered by two things (nastiness and irresponsible coverage of eating disorders) and then the bothersome things got under my skin, and into my head, and before I knew it EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD WAS DEEPLY IRRITATING. What I’m really trying to say is that I think I might be looking for the off switch again because if my brain is busy being irritated (or irritable) I get irritated (or irritable) ABOUT EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

And no – there isn’t really a moral to this particular story because I’m too irritated (or irritable) to think of one but I did wonder if you might like to hear a bit of Frank Turner because that most definitely WON’T be irritating:

Meanwhile in other news some of the things I was panicking and worrying about seem to have subsided. Of course, that may well be because I am preoccupied with the irritating stuff but the main things is that for now, I am feeling much better thank you very much. Nothing else to report today save that I have run out of things to report.

Love you all lots like jelly tots.

WeeGee