I don’t know what to call this…

I don’t blog like I used to. Things have changed and time has moved on and no matter how hard I try I can’t find the space anymore. Sure – once in a while I pop up, mostly to lament how much time has passed since my last post, but it doesn’t seem to matter what I write because it’s just not like it used to be.

More than anything I wonder what happened to WeeGee because WeeGee seems to be conspicuously absent from my life right now. I won’t make any bones about it: I made WeeGee up. She wasn’t real. She was a figment of my imagination, and a representation that I wanted to make, and I completely made her up. That said she was as good a representation as ever there was and now she’s gone and it feels a bit empty. I don’t how that happened.

Truth told, I’ve lost myself and I’ve lost myself in a way that only I seem to know how. I’ve somehow managed to build a whole world around me and that sounds great, right? Except it isn’t because it strangles me, and stamps on me, and makes me small: it makes it so that I’m lost and silent and resigned to the dullness that surrounds me. You’ll have gathered by now that my tendency for melodramatics hasn’t quite left me….

You’ll also have gathered that This Is Not A Good Time.

I’m writing because I don’t know what else to do. I’m writing because – once upon a time a long time ago – I wrote a lot and it made it right. I’m writing because somehow, in amongst it all, I still desperately hope that I’ve got something to say. I’m writing because maybe it’s just what I do when the chips are down, and the hope has gone, and there’s no other place to go.

More than anything I’m writing to say ‘hello’ to my much loved mental friends. I know that whatever I say here that someone out there will say ‘I get you’. I don’t think too many people in the real world are getting it right now, so, you know.

It’s a tough old path isn’t it? And I’m still treading it. I think I’ll be back tomorrow for some more emotional vomit, which is what you got tonight and I apologise. In the meantime I could sure so with a hug.

Love you all lots like jelly tots,

WeeGee (Gail) xxx

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20 comments

  1. We must be vibrating on some similar frequencies right now, because your post jumped out at me after my many weeks/months of the same sort of indifferent attitude about blogging and blog-world (just the blog-world of course, never my dear friends).

    I think things are in that sort of cycling mess right now and it’s hard to disentangle those confusing thoughts about self-identity. Especially when things start spiraling. Or aren’t spiraling. It’s just hard to straighten out my concept of self right now, and it sounds like perhaps you are having similar troubles (not to assume).

    I just wanted to say I get some of it without sounding condescending. Hopefully I didn’t come across like a dolt.

    Always here for you, my favorite Gail (and Weeg- any name, even if given to yourself without true concrete construct, still has meaning).

    1. Yeah….. it sure sounds like our brains are in tune right now, which is strangely comforting to know.

      I’ll be back – in time I always am. I’m sure you will too lovely.

      Much love and huge hugs,

      WeeGee xoxoxo 😀

  2. This bullshit always seems to run in cycles doesn’t it? I was thinking today about reviving my long lost blog which led me here to this. Warm wishes from across the pond Gail, It got better before and it will get better again.

    1. Hello there stranger! It seems like ages but it’s super to hear from you. I completely agree about this nonsense coming in cycles and, like you said, I know it will get better. Because that’s how this shit works.

      Much love xoxox

  3. This doesn’t help now I know, but there’s a very special care package making it’s way to you. If there’s every anything you want to talk about you’re always welcome to get in touch, I’m happy to listen. For now Evie Cat and I are sending much ❤ and lots and lots of *HUGS*.

    1. Dear Mental Mama,

      You are ace. You know that right? Thanks for the love and hugs – sending lots back your way.

      Love WeeGee

      PS – super, over excited about my care package. Squeeeee 😀

  4. I’m sorry you are having a tough go of it. We/I am here when you need to come back and do whatever. Blomit, vent, laugh, etc.

    Until then…

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