It’s been quite a week here in the UK. Did you hear? We voted to leave the European Union.
The fall-out has been extraordinary. Around 80 Members of Parliament wrote to the Prime Minister and asked him to stay but he resigned anyway and then at least twelve million members of Parliament wrote to the Leader of the Opposition and asked him to resign but he said he was staying on regardless. To say we’re all feeling a little contrary is a massive understatement….
There have been several low points this week.
Low point number one
The day after the referendum more than a handful of people who had voted for us to leave the EU pointed out that they didn’t think them voting to leave the EU meant we would actually leave the EU.
WeeGee says: Words. Must. Surely. Fail. Us. All.
Low point number two
More than a handful more people said that the referendum wasn’t actually about the EU despite the fact that there was only one VERY EXPLICIT QUESTION ABOUT THE EU on the ballot paper.
WeeGee says: if there are only two options on a ballot paper there is NO SUCH THING as a protest vote. Pass that little nugget on, whenever you can.
Low point number three
We all suddenly remembered that the dudes who had campaigned for us to leave the EU aren’t actually the dudes who are the boss of us. When it transpired that everything they had said to convince us to leave the EU was pie in the sky the best come back we had was, basically, ‘pants on fire’
WeeGee says: if someone ever tells you they’ll give you £350 million to spend on the things you hold dearest ask them if they actually have any say in what happens to the £350 million in question before making your mind up. As a follow up question, ask them if the £350 million exists. For real, like.
Low point number four
We all suddenly realised that nobody had asked if the dudes in charge had a plan, you know – just in case people said they wanted to leave the EU when they were EXPLICITLY ASKED IF THEY WANTED TO LEAVE THE EU.
So we asked them if they had a plan. They didn’t.
Then we asked if ANYBODY OUT THERE had a plan. Negative.
WeeGee says: Fuck.
Low point number five
THE CAPS LOCK BRIGADE (not the WeeGee caps lock brigade, the other nutters on the Internet) MISTOOK THE VOTE AS A VOTE FOR HATE AND BECAME EVER MORE HATEFUL AND STARTED INCITING STUPID PEOPLE TO MAKE STUPID DEMANDS FOR ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DON’T LOOK LIKE THEM TO “GO BACK TO AFRICA” QUITE OBLIVIOUS TO PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING NOT LEAST THE FACT THAT AFRICA IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CONTINENT AND HAS SWEET EFF ALL TO DO WITH FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT AND/OR LABOUR IN EUROPE.
WeeGee says: Racist haters gonna hate and they gonna miss the fucking point every single fucking time. Racist haters gonna realise no sensible fucker is listening to them soon enough. Surely?
Low point number six
Before the ink on the ballot papers* was even dry some of the people who didn’t want us to leave the EU signed a petition for a re-run of the vote because they didn’t like the result the turnout was less than 75% and the majority in favour of leave less than 60%.
The last time I could bring myself to look around four million people had signed up to support undermining of one of the central pillars of our legal system (and thusly our democracy) by introducing retrospective legislation to get their own way. That doesn’t sound like a dangerous precedent at all, does it?
WeeGee says: democracy schemocracy. Still anything is worth a try so I signed a petition demanding the National Lottery do a redraw if my numbers don’t come up….. I’ll keep you posted.
*Please let’s just pretend the #usepens debacle never happened, eh?
Low point number seven
We went and got a bit bitter and twisted about it. In our defence, feelings were running high and we all really, really care but we probably didn’t ought to let that stand as an excuse. There was recrimination and blame and name-calling. And there were memes – so many memes. Let’s face it we all said things that neither we nor Winnie the Pooh really meant.
WeeGee says: the deed is done: we all voted and now we’re all together again in the same rickety handcart heading for hell…..
Low point number eight
Then there was this smug twat:
The day he turned up and the European Parliament, stuck a tiny plastic flag to his desk and went ‘nah, nah, nah-nah naaaaah’ will surely go down as one of the darkest days in this great nation’s history. Although, I guess he is, in part, quite right. NOBODY is laughing now. We’re all too busy sobbing quietly into our cornflakes.
WeeGee says: excuse me while I hit my head against the nearest brick wall again and again and again. And again.
Low point number nine
It became apparent that The Labour Party thought ‘The Thick of It’ was a blueprint for doing politics and we all settled down to revel in the spectacular shambles that was unfolding.
Then the Labour Party ACTUALLY imploded before our very eyes and we realised that this shit just isn’t funny anymore…
WeeGee says: excuse me while my palm meets my face for the whole rest of eternity.
Low point number ten
For the briefest of moments, it felt like all might not actually be lost because hey, we’re getting rid of SpamFace Cameron. Here, we thought, was our silver lining and so we did a tiny little cheer.
Step forward the contenders.
Fuck me. Two extreme right wingers, a dude who thinks gay people can be cured through the power of prayer, and a guy who might actually be Tony Blair in disguise. Did I say fuck me?
Right-minded liberal people across the land have realised that they might actually WANT Theresa May to be the next Prime Minister.
This is the strange, confused, miserable, cheerless, awful world we now live in. It sucks ass. Come back SpamFace, all is forgiven.
WeeGee says: stop the world. I’d like to get off.
Love you all lots, like Jelly Tots,